machine gun kellar

Welcome to my Twitter page. Where I tweet whatever I want. Because it’s my account and not yours

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

If you didn't know who Ozzy Osbourne was before he did a song with Post Malone. Blame your parents for raising a little bitch.

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

My problem is I want princess treatment but I act like mickey milkovich

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

my friends: “i’m not a hater but-”

me: “don’t worry i am”

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

It’s one thing when girls you went to high school with get fat… but when the popular guys from high school get fat😂🤣

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

No motivational words today, swing on em if you feel like it.

[Gump @MrTaylorWayne]

A woman in scrubs >>>>>

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

friday the 13th doesn't scare me anymore, every day is awful

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

“you tryna hang?” yeah bro myself

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

@brennemanbailey @svddenbitch I would be honored😚

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Once you realize the dopamine hit you get from being a smartass fat out weighs any the repercussions… there’s no turning back

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Once I start taking the advice I give to my friends it’s over for you bitches

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Calling into work without actually being sick is childish and stupid but then again so is work

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Had to stop drinking the water at work cause at least 12 of my coworkers are pregnant🥴 #bottledwateronly

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

To my coworker that found this page, I see you 👀👀👀😘

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

If police are here to serve then why do their outfits suck

[mousey ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ @HIBlSCUS]

remember to leave out milk and cookies for george bush tonight ❤️

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Men who say “women aren’t funny” are the same men who think it’s gay to wash their own ass… yeah no

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

Forgot this app existed, but I’m back babyyyy 😜

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

@brennemanbailey Mustaches are slutty🤪

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

At least whatever is wrong with me is really really funny

[machine gun kellar @BockKiller]

My ADHD and my athleticism I haven’t experienced since high school really be kickin in during a code blue.