Poon Goon, PhD, MD

I am NOT your doctor; Smarter than you think, dumber than you know

[Poon Goon, PhD, MD @BodaciousJVP]

The phrase "Good night" in our household slowly transformed to Buenos Nachos and then again to Big Ol' Tacos. Now we just say enchiladas and go to sleep. College is a weird time.

[Your Old Droog @YourOldDroog]

My daughter gonn be mad as hell when I name her Anna Nobey

[Max Velocity @MaxVelocityWX]

Unfortunately the Culvers Barn in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin sustained damage after a strong line of storms moved through a short time ago 😔

[🇺🇸 The American Culturist 🇺🇸 @MericaCulture]

A German visiting Auburn, Alabama, to watch Lionel Messi and Argentina play Iceland stopped at a Buc-ee's and ate brisket sandwiches on a stack of deer feeder corn.

A sentence never before uttered in all of human history.

[Gary Sheffield Jr. @GarysheffieldJr]

Volpe’s exit velocity could go thru a school zone safely

[megalomaniac @urauntiesnudes]

call it necrophilia the way I crack a cold one

[Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad]

If we’re sharing baseball Onion articles, can I submit my personal favorite

[BrickCenter @BrickCenter_]

Mike Brown: "Over here you called it a foul, but over there you called it a travel."

Ref Marc Davis: "Ah sh*t you're right."

💀💀💀

[bart @soxbart]

“It’s filled with popcorn.”

Yeah not falling for that. Literally how they tricked Troy.

[Ari Meirov @MySportsUpdate]

Lisa Salters interviewing Victor Wembanyama:

[Matt Wild @ByMattWild]

It's currently 78-63 in the bottom of the 40th and the Brewers are two outs away from oops never mind it's tied again

[Coach Dan Casey @CoachDanCasey]

Tavon Austin on the One-Man Reverse

[crust bucket @eeeosburn]

Saying im rubbing one out when scratching my eye

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Cigarettes are like squirrels: they’re perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

When the Argonian baddie you took home from the tavern clamps down on it and starts doing death rolls

[Armin @ArrminEm]

I’ve done acid more times than I had cottage cheese

[𝙀𝙧𝙖 @TheWestbrookEra]

That nigga is having Giannis flashbacks LMFAO

[Desus MF Nice💯 @desusnice]

those spurs nuns better not come to the garden bc there’s no god in nyc

[joe @BurdenBurner]

Lindor getting abducted by a UFO mid-game would probably not even crack the top 10 worst moments in Mets history