Pat O’Brien

[Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowski]

Democrats are so diabolical and ingenious at rigging elections that Republicans control the presidency, house and senate.

[Democrats @TheDemocrats]

BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP IS HONEST FOR THE FIRST TIME

[Glenn Tunes @glenn_tunes]

YOU MAY DISAGREE, BUT THE 168 IRANIAN GIRLS WOULD BE ALIVE AND THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ WOULD BE OPEN, AND THE AMERICAN SOLDIERS WOULD STILL BE ALIVE AND GAS WOULD BE $2.58 A GALLON IF TRUMP HAD BEEN HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS CRIMES AND LOCKED UP AFTER J6✊✊✊✊✊✊✊✊✊

[Arnaud Bertrand @RnaudBertrand]

So, if I got that right, here's the narrative:

- A US F-15E fighter jet got shot down over Iran, despite Trump saying 2 days beforehand in his nationwide address that Iran has "no anti-aircraft equipment. Their radar is 100% annihilated." (https://t.co/3pnVUGxHyV)

- The plane's weapons systems officer - a "highly respected Colonel," according to Trump - ejected from the plane and got "seriously wounded" (still according to Trump: https://t.co/jUbGiGk9uM)

- He still managed to "hike up a 7,000-foot [2.1km] mountain ridgeline and hide in a crevice" in the Zagros Mountains, despite his wounds (https://t.co/ECTqgUFOZ3)

- U.S. MQ-9 Reaper drones started killing all "Iranian military-aged males believed to be a threat who got within three kilometers of [the American's location]" (https://t.co/86aZgrsXGT)

- To retrieve him the U.S. managed to seize an "abandoned airport," 200 miles deep inside Iran, near Isfahan (https://t.co/rOpRm3mqt9), which happens to be where Iran's largest atomic scientific center is located (https://t.co/jQfmg4zI8t)

- They landed two MC-130 military transport planes in that airport (https://t.co/k0mU0wqnvU) in an operation involving "hundreds of special forces troops and military personnel" (https://t.co/ECTqgUFOZ3)

- Both MC-130 planes got "stuck in the sand" and the U.S. destroyed them themselves "to prevent them from falling into Iranian hands" (https://t.co/k0mU0wqnvU)

- They deployed "three new aircraft to extract all the U.S. personnel" on the ground (https://t.co/k0mU0wqnvU)

- There are videos circulating online of "heavy clashes" with presumably Iranian missiles raining down in Kohgiluyeh County, in the Zagros Mountains during that night (https://t.co/VCeTzcC1vt)

- Iran sent pictures of the aftermath at the "abandoned airport" and it's a sight of utter destruction, with US plane and MH-6 helicopter parts scattered all over the ground, still smoking (https://t.co/mDpYT9qsKC). Iran claims they are the ones who in fact destroyed all the aircraft.

- Meanwhile a second U.S. plane, an A-10 Warthog, also crashed on Friday near the Strait of Hormuz according to two U.S. officials speaking to the NYT (https://t.co/lFs4zERw2t). In that instance too the lone pilot was apparently "safely rescued."

- In all this, after the multiple planes and helicopters destroyed or shot down, the documented heavy clashes, the "hundreds of special forces troops and military personnel" operating deep inside Iran, not a single US soldier was reported killed "or even wounded" (according to Trump: https://t.co/rCgrl6vMpT).

- And the 'highly respected Colonel' this was all for? No name. No photo. No interview. Nobody has spoken to him nor knows who he is.

So to sum up: anti-aircraft equipment that supposedly didn't exist shot down an F-15 (and, apparently, an A-10 Warthog the same day). A seriously wounded man climbed a 2.1km mountain. The US seized an airfield 200 miles inside a country it's at war with, next to one of its most strategic nuclear sites, and deployed hundreds of troops all apparently unimpeded. Lost two planes to "sand" and destroyed their own helicopters. Videos show heavy clashes, missiles raining down - but not a single person got "even wounded". And the man at the center of it all? Nobody knows who he is, completely anonymous, zero pictures, but Trump says he is "SAFE and SOUND." And so is the rescued A-10 Warthog pilot, who also remains anonymous.

Trump concludes this all proves the US has "achieved overwhelming Air Dominance and Superiority over the Iranian skies" (https://t.co/rCgrl6vMpT), despite the whole episode only happening because Iran shot his planes out of the sky.

Basically, the only thing that's "overwhelming" here is the audacity of the storytelling...

[Liam Nissan™ @theliamnissan]

Iran won't open Hormouz until Trump pays them reparations and dismantle all the military bases so we know that ain't happening. That leaves him with troops on the ground and a shitload of generals got fired today for refusing to obey illegal orders. That leaves nukes.

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@DickFurari He make a great pizza!

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@RonFilipkowski Duh. It’s the pull out method

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@dandibley Yes it was great because it wasn’t like a concert at all. It’s was an elite tv/theater production.

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@darrenrovell @elonmusk @RRAuction Fuck that guy

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@AccountableGOP Canceling @SIRIUSXM due to this.

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@AdamKinzinger @TheRickWilson

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@Adamcopes @KNBR @Jeff_Mans

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@JasonLaCanfora Bob!

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@ProFootballTalk We need TERM LIMITS

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@MLB @Dodgers Fuck the Dodgers

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@CamInman Looks good

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@ProFootballTalk Who cares?

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@AccountableGOP @Lawrence @Josh_Macri

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@howaboutafresca https://t.co/N0k9sKWsGo

[Pat O’Brien @BonesFingMalone]

@DickFurari My Gremmie had acid wash Levi’s.