Bonez Poley

Stand-up comedian, actor, metal singer. According to Leanne's mom, I'm pretty 'out there'.

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

The only person who brings me breakfast in bed isn't a person, it's a cat. And breakfast is dead mice.

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

I just wrote a review on Blissy Sleep. Sharing for coupon code https://t.co/UZdByATGYo via @yotpo

[Oliver Georgiou @o_georgiou]

Hey @cityoftoronto , harsh white light is a great way to ensure nobody enjoys evening walks in the park. #citylife #parks #beautification #leisure #exercise

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

Recording my debut comedy album tomorrow, Aug 23, at Comedy Bar! https://t.co/8Z6P12roLz

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

The 10 second rule is the opposite in the pandemic. You drop something, you need to wait 2 weeks before it's safe to eat

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@hfs_40k Shit, Happy Birthday, Conner!

[Alex Ateah @alex_ateah]

If you listen very carefully you can always hear Steely dan

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@alex_ateah okay this is actually true

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@yerkillingme that exists bb. it's called literally any weather app haha 😘

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@yerkillingme honestly the most valid reason I've heard

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@fffenno

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

just want to clarify this was NOT an open invitation for ugly people to hit on me

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

I've dated some really ugly people so I think that makes me a good person

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@yerkillingme if anyone tells you they do know how, they are full of shit

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

I've dated some really ugly people so I think that makes me a good person

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

#Pantera : For a band that wanted to bring forth the era of pants, they sure wore a lot of douchey shorts on stage

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

Someone told me earlier today that I sound 50, so might as well tweet in kind. At least I look fabulous for 50!?

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

Phones can do everything these days. They even have this fancy phone-tracker app and the way it works is when you lose your phone, your friend calls it so you can hear it ringing... which is the only fucking reason anyone calls anyone anymore

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@mhdksafa Yes

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@SugarDahling Ok but I want that dress though

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

@XanWoods So many ppl still claiming these protests are peaceful 😒

[Bonez Poley @BonezPoley]

I have stitched up two different people's human skin, but I somehow can't fix my own pants