BooberLifeMTL

Just a space where I want to share some of the more interesting events, pictures, vids & thoughts whilst driving for Uber in Montreal. Plus other funny stuff!

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

The rain has stopped but the city is a disaster! Complete gridlock! Don't take the 40 East or West. Don't take the 10 North or South! Don't take any highways. Just stay home! If you must hit the road, bring a canoe!
DRIVE SAFE MALAKAS!
#booberlifemtl #costatabarnakis #ScreamingGreek

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

@lockd514 Thanks!

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

It was after 3am, on a very quiet Sunday or Monday, around this time of year, the tail end of Pride Month (no pun intended)
The Barfly was closed at that point and I was chatting it up with Anthony. I was gonna call it a night after my drink, when the Uber app on my phone sounded off, echoing in the empty bar. The end of the month was around the corner and so were the bills that needed to be paid, so I accepted the call. I slammed back my triple gin, Anthony unlocked the bar door and I was off.
I ended up on Saint Catherine Street in the Gay Village. I parked on the corner and waited for the clients to show up. Eventually, four fully decked out drag queens and a normally dressed gay guy stumbled towards the van and entered. I assumed he was gay because of the lisp on his voice when he greeted me. Everyone piled into the back, the side door slammed shut and we were off. The odor of hairspray, makeup and Chanel No.5 was overpowering. I had to crack open the windows because I hate the smell of Chanel No.5. I fuckin loath the scent of that garbage. It must be childhood trauma from all the Greek family gatherings I attended as a kid. The air was always thick with cigarette smoke and Chanel No.5. I guess that perfume was a status symbol for all the Greek women, because they all wore it. Excessive amounts of it! It's a scent that haunts me.
They were obviously hammered and high. Most people I pick up after 3am usually are. They were a good, friendly bunch in a party mood. A lot of loud voices and laughing. Nothing out of control and nothing that bothered me. Harmless.
I couldn't see a face but saw the blond outlandish hair of one of the Queens moving towards me in the rear view mirror. I felt a limp wristed hand gently rub my shoulder and booze fueled breath filling my ear with the words in broken English
"I'm so sorry. We're so loud and rowdy!" Followed by laughter.
I nudge it off with a smile and told them "No worries luv! You guys are good. Please enjoy yourselves!"
But in my mind, I thought "Pfft! Bitch, you don't know who you're dealing with over here. You truly have no idea what loud and rowdy really means!"
The clucking continued for a bit and then I was asked "Do you mind if we vape?"
I thought "YES! Anything to mask that Chanel No.5 pollution!"
I turned down the music and I layed down the law as I always do when I get asked such questions by others.
"Yes, feel free to vape. You can even smoke. Here's a can that you can use as an ashtray. Just don't burn the seats. Do drugs and crack open your drinks. Just pick up your empty cans and baggies when you leave please. Keep it on the downlow. If we get pulled over, hide everything and keep your mouths shut. No smart ass comments with the cops."
Out of sight. Out of mind is my philosophy while driving party people around.
Woah!!! They cheered and clapped! "You're the best Uber driver Ive ever had!" "Five Stars!" yelled one. "No! Ten Stars!" yelled another.
We stopped at a red light and then I turned and looked at them.
"There's one rule you absolutely cannot break - NO FUCKIN PUKING IN HERE!!!"
"If you need to puke just let me know. I have bags if you need one or we can pull over. No problem. There's no shame in it. We've all been there but there's NO PUKING IN HERE!"
"Don't worry sir. No one here is gonna puke"
I heard the sound of cans being opened. No one smoked but a few started vaping. The scent the vapes made was not the welcomed solution that I thought it would be because now the van stank of hairspray, makeup, Chanel No.5 & Mango Watermellon or whatever the fuck they were vaping. I turned the music back up & continued driving. The Uber app showed that there was less than ten minutes left for the ride. I'll just have to live with the various smells coming from the back.

*** PART 2 CONTINUES IN THE COMMENTS BELOW ***

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

Another satisfied Malaka...

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

HEY MALAKAS!
If any of you, like myself, have the unfortunate, mind-numbing experience of having to drive or deliver around the city of Montreal for a living,
then this is for you. Even tourists from around the world who have visited will understand.

I created this image a few years ago and nothing has changed! Copies on 11x17 cardboard for sale at my online store...https://t.co/Uzw366rC2G
If you live in Montreal, I can deliver. Just message me.

Check out my store for all kinds of cool crap...https://t.co/XkKlMk19Pt

#BooberLifeMTL
#ScreamingGreek
#CostaTabarnakis
#Tintin
#screamingreekcreations

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

GOOD EVENING MALAKAS!Last Spring, one of my first Uber customers was none other than the Big J himself, Jesus. He kept to himself for the most part, doomscrolling on his gold & jewel encrusted iPious 16 Pro, until we got caught in traffic. I politely explained that all this traffic & construction was due to our mayor & her administration all being delusional pieces of shit. He said he'd speak to his daddy about sending the lot to the 9th Circle of Hell. Let's all hope daddy pulls through.
Stuck in traffic, we got to talking about all kinds of stuff & I got to tell you, I've never met anyone as angry as Jesus. And I've met alot of fucked up people in my life! Complete contempt for humanity sprinkled with some heavy daddy issues, it was obvious that Jesus was really fuckin pissed.
We finally arrived at the destination, The Cleopatra. (A Montreal She-Male Strip Club) He got out, blessed me with a mediocre tip, lit up a smoke in front of the club & I drove off.
I really hope he found comfort rubbing some woman's hairy ball sack or some heavenly relief in a loose ass or two, that night, cause if not, we're fucked! Jesus is very, very angry!
#BooberLifeMTL
#ScreamingGreek
#CostaTabarnakis

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

Hey Cher!
Since you're moving out of the U.S you should consider moving to Canada. We love pinning medals on Nazis over here! If you hurry, Prime Minister Justine Trudeau might have a chance to pin a medal on you in Parliament before he gets booted out.
Feel free to share!

@JimmyDoreShow & @DueDissidence I thought you guys would get a kick out of this one! Love your work guys! Please never stop!
#ScreamingGreek
#CostaTabarnakis
#BooberLifeMTL

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

@redroussa It was spectacular! Lol

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

Out of the hospital & trapped in Brossard. High as fuck on Oxy's, watching the Oscars with Mom, being extremely judgmental in Greek is quite the experience. I wish I could share some of the comments we're throwing around about all these Hollywood fruitcakes, but I don't want my Mom getting canceled.
#CostaTabarnakis #ScreamingGreek
#BooberLifeMTL

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

MALAKAS HERE! MALAKAS THERE! MALAKAS EVERYWHERE! Pt.1
At around 10pm on New Year's Eve, I picked up a group of people from Ottawa for what should have been 15min. trip to some bar in Old Montreal. The traffic was so mind-numbingly bad that we ended up ushering in the new year, together in the van. Even though they were from Ottawa, they were a good group of people & for what it was worth we made the best of a shitty situation. 2 & a half hours later still nowhere near their destination I suggested that we end the trip & that they should walk. It was 12:30am & at this rate they'd never make it to their party. They agreed & we parted ways. I was pissed. I lost a lot of rides & money stuck in traffic that night. Not the first time & it won't be the last. This is Montreal after all. I kept getting calls that would eventually cancel because I couldn't get to them. I got out of that jammed area as fast as I could without completely losing my shit. At around 1:30am things started to roll smoothly & I rolled at a steady pace till 6am at which point I turned off the Uber app and went to Biftek to pick up two friends who needed a lift home. After picking up my friends I was driving down St-Urbain, on the right side of the street about to cross Milton. When out of the blue some retard in black Volkswagen turned right, from the left side of the street, trying to get onto Milton, completely cutting me off! I was quick on the brakes but not quick enough. I rammed into the VW's rear wheel & panel. The damage would have been worse had I not reacted quickly. I was at full stop at this point. The VW paused for a moment & then started to drive away on Milton. I couldn't believe it! He's actually driving away! My friend managed to get a picture of the license plate. I started following him. He continued down Milton for about 2, maybe 3 blocks before he turned into an alleyway to the left. The driver had plenty of opportunities to pull over & didn't. I guess he was hoping that I wouldn't follow. I got out of my car as soon as we stopped. The other driver didn't bother getting out yet. Instead, he sent out 2 bimbos. The female equivalent of Laurel & Hardy in white tights. As these 2 geniuses were inspecting the damage to their vehicle, my friends & I were forced to look them hunched over, wagging their disgusting cheeseburgers. I kept my cool as I approached the 2 nimrods asking "WTF!"
They didn't say much. Just stared at me vacantly & stepped back into the VW. Eventually, the driver stepped out. A wannabe gangsta type. A future prison bitch, with short dreads & sagging jeans. Ignoring me he inspected his panel for damage.
He didn't seem drunk but the conversation we had led me to believe that he was really high on something or just a complete idiot.
"What the fuck were you thinking!"
He responded in French. "What's the problem?"
"What do you mean? You cut me off and I smashed into you!"
"Impossible.The damage would be on the other side."
"That makes no sense!"
He then accused me of lying and that my damaged bumper wasn't his doing.
"What the fuck are you talking about!?"
"I'm tired so let's just get this over with." He replied showing me his phone with his insurance info. We took pictures of each other's info & parted ways.
After dropping off my first friend on Guy St. I got on the highway & headed towards LaSalle to drop off my lady friend. After 10 min. I took an exit & right at the entrance, in the middle of the highway was a construction ladder! A fuckin ladder! Once again, I wasn't fast enough on the brakes so I ended up dragging the ladder under my minivan for about 30 or 40 feet before I stopped on the side of the entrance ramp. I drove in reverse off the ladder got out & dragged it off to the side of the highway & drove off.
"What's next?!"
My lady friend & I spent the rest of the ride laughing in disbelief.
Stay tuned for Pt 2 because there's no shortage of Malakas out there. #ScreamingGreek #MalakasEverywhere #BooberLifeMTL

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

https://t.co/T1CfkKWR3X
GOOD EVENING MALAKAS! Whilst driving around the city at night until the wee hours, Curtis Mayfield is the soundtrack.
It's also great for fingering. Don't forget to spit first & rub clockwise.
#BooberLifeMTL #ScreamingGreek
#CostaTabarnakis

[BooberLifeMTL @BooberLifeMTL]

While I'm waiting for my hip surgery, I had no choice but to start working as a Boober driver. Standing and walking have become more and more difficult, so sitting, chain smoking, listening to music, and driving people around is the perfect job for me at the moment. It's been almost a year since I started driving.
80% of my customers are tourists. I've met all kinds ot of people from all over the world and I've had some pretty interesting conversations. Most folks are really cool and respectful and we share some pretty good laughs along the way. Other times, people ask to put on their own music and the minivan becomes a karaoke party mobile. Usually hot chicks, dancing around in the van, singing out loud terribly whilst vaping and cracking open cans of White Claw. But for the most part, not much happens during my rides. Aside for the usual pleasantries as people enter and leave , no one really talks to me . They mingle with one another or just stare at their phones for the trip. Which is fine by me. If you know me, then you know that unless I'm half a bottle of Gin in, I'm not one for small talk.
I prefer working the night life hours. 5pm to 5am. After 2am you need to keep an eye out for the pukers. Anyone who looks too hammered gets handed a plastic bag in case. Vigilance while on the road is essential! Aside from avoiding nasty collisions, because no one knows how to drive, ride a bike or walk in this city or almost getting stabbed at a gas station on Ontario street or getting attacked and hit while I was trying to get into my car on Parc and Milton, I feel pretty safe doing this. Lol! And I've only had one negative experience with some stupid old cunt customer, so far.
The night shift is were I get to deal with the more colorful types in the city. I've created this album to share some of the more interesting stories, that happen along the way. I recently bought a dash cam so you can expect some vids too.
WELCOME TO MY BOOBER ODYSSEY MALAKAS!!!
#costatabarnakis #ScreamingGreek #Boober #BooberLife #BooberLifeMTL