Titus

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Got my white Oakley's, True Religion jean shorts, and a gallon of Axe Body Spray all packed. Coachella here I come!

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Heard someone refer to this terrible choice of facial hair as a "douche donut" and my life will never be the same

[Titus @BookofTitus]

An article where I get to do what I do best, making fun of people's style https://t.co/6fBRazmgU8

[Last Word on Soccer @LastWordSC]

2018 MLS Kit Review: The Good, Bad, and the Ugly - https://t.co/J9x9HfLm3Z

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Post-vacation depression really starts to set in when you go from driving through the mountains in Colorado to the abandon buildings of NE Ohio

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Found out there's a rapper named Xan Frank who has an Ann Frank face tattoo and needed to let someone know

[Titus @BookofTitus]

I once refused to watch the movie Pixels because Kevin James played the President. Now I welcome that as a reality

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Walked into the bank and saw the teller had a misspelled neck tattoo that said TRASTWORTHY, instantly walked out

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Almost as contentious as the 2016 Presidential Election, learn about the people wanting to become the next president of the US Soccer Federation https://t.co/E55g4678MT

[Last Word on Soccer @LastWordSC]

Who Will Be the Next USSF President? - https://t.co/vKJa0kjenC

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Told someone I've been listening to lo-fi Austrian pop music and could physically see the douchiness leave my body

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Took my money out of Bitcoin and put it into Swensons coin

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Of course the year I go to Coachella is the year Hoobastank isn't playing

[Titus @BookofTitus]

*Looking at a photo of my grandpa with all 11 of his kids*

Cousin: "Grandpa's pull out game was weak af"

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Cause we're saving the crew *The Weeknd voice* Check out why I think the Columbus Crew are worth saving here: https://t.co/NfRNZw23Yj via @lastwordsc

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Soul patches are the Fedoras of facial hair

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Thanksgiving is the passive aggressive playoff game to see who can make it to the championship on Christmas

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Jeff Goldblum critiquing Jeff Goldblum Tattoos is the most Jeff Goldblum thing I've seen in a while https://t.co/IvLyi4LJb8

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Recently, when I drink with my dad he's been telling me stories I haven't heard before. This time it was about how he met Jeffrey Dahmer

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Was trying to get coffee but was stuck in line for 20 mins as guy tried to impress the barista by bragging about his Fall Out Boy cover band

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Nothing creepier than seeing a ice cream truck driving around with its music on in November

[Titus @BookofTitus]

Overheard this lady give the most millennial break up line ever:

"Sorry, you just don't fit my personal brand"