Sir TweetsSometimes

“Well well well. How the turn tables...”

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Jen coming up to Whitney after the show. #SLOMW

[Jenni @hashjenni]

It's fucking wild we need a dead man's emails to believe the testimonies of 1000 women.

[Sen. Bernie Sanders @SenSanders]

If Jeff Bezos could afford to spend $75 million on the Melania movie & $500 million for a yacht to sail off to his $55 million wedding to give his wife a $5 million ring, please don't tell me he needed to fire one-third of the Washington Post staff.

Democracy dies in oligarchy.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Had my 7AM alarm wake me, and I decided to close my eyes again…but the earth said wake your ass up!! #earthquake

[Andrew—#IAmTheResistance @AmoneyResists]

LMFAO when you lay it out like this the absurdity is just STAGGERING.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Baby earthquake in the east bay

[James Austin Johnson @JAJCenter]

People keep asking me if this was dubbed by a pro. No it wasn't dubbed yes we're pros

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

As a Californian, I lowkey love it when other Californians are like “we’re leaving California! It sucks!” It’s like when I used to threaten to run away as a kid when I was mad at my mom and she’d always give me my blanket and say, “Go ahead! Try to find a better life!”

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

This last season of love is blind where no one got married actually was good for one thing and that was the line that one of the guys said when asked if he had any tattoos. It turns out it’s a good line for when you don’t have tattoos but still wanna sound sexy 😆

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

My dad was present and raised me to be independent. I’m not holding onto someone who doesn’t really like me or who I don’t really like just because I want to keep a man.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

This girl posted a video about ending it with a guy she was in the talking stage with for 4 months and she was like “I had a very present dad so it’s easy for me to let a guy go.” And I FELT that.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Bumble: Why not adjust those filters?
Me: You mean lower my standards even more?

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Name the category I’m thinking of:

Rush Hour 2
Shrek 2
Cheetah Girls 2

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Some of the smartest kids in your high school graduating class from ten years ago have the dumbest “propaganda I’m not falling for” videos out right now.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Just started watching #SecretLivesOfMormonWives and the first time I saw Dakota, he reminded me of this guy from Catfish and I just kept thinking “WYD, Taylor?!” 😂

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

I hate that people are thinking it was cringe when Meghan corrected Mindy on her last name. Mindy didn’t take it bad. I’ve had to correct people on my name my entire life. If someone got mad or felt it was cringe that I corrected them, then they’re the ones with issues – not me.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

Just started watching The Sopranos and I intend to copy every one of Edie Falco’s outfits in this.

[jay @kendallhosseini]

succession is like the simpsons for predicting how rich people are going to embarrass themselves

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

@whyrev Kinda miss the Nerf gun commercial music.

[Sir TweetsSometimes @braintokeyboard]

During the Bush administration, I had no idea Dick Cheney was our vice president. Sometimes I miss not knowing things like that as a kid.