Went to visit him today because I was in the area
I miss him every day
The trees around his grave are so grown now, they had just been planted when I buried him
Just got so mad at my controller drift I unironically smashed it and broke it
I've had that controller for so long, I shouldn't have smashed it, I'm such a fucking loser
Throwing it in the trash in shame so I can forget I did that
I feel unnoticed
I constantly go out of my way to show love to my friends but I feel like I'm not getting half of that affection back
It feels selfish to want the same level of appreciation back
I shouldn't feel selfish
Well... Change is inherent to existence, things are always changing, maybe I just haven't found someone who will love me even after they change...
I've helped so many people change for the better by loving them but it seems that I don't fit with people when they're better...
Lute in Hazbin Hotel reminds me of how violence against terror can be spun into creating more terror
Like of course people surrounded by violence will become more violent if a loved one dies at the hands of an enemy
I finally managed to get it though my head that I shouldn't forgive my mom and I thought finally wanting her out of my life would make me feel better but I've honestly never felt lonelier