Brandon Royal

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

@KendrickCarmou1 Beautiful ride in the 4th!

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

Managements discussion and Managements analysis*

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

Never wanted to do mdma so bad

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I swear putting is the worst part of my minigolf game

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I feel like such an idiot. I wrote my name on a name tag for work and I didn’t realize I wrote it inside out until I saw it in a mirror. :(

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

This is a fiancée approved tweet

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

My fiancée is upset because she misheard me and thought I called her a “nag.” I’ve tried explaining that I said “hag” not “nag,” but she is too busy packing her bags to listen.

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

Someone mistook my private part for a leg and now I am insecure about my short legs :(

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

If God didn’t want me to double fist, he wouldn’t have given me two hands

[Houston Dynamo FC @HoustonDynamo]

We got a W, now you can too 🤠

RT to be entered to win a @DrinkBODYARMOR prize pack!

#HoldItDown

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

As we approach summer, it is important to remember to stay hydrated, especially when drinking. Remember to mix in some Michelob Ultras with your IPAs.

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

It’s 2022, I’m going to take my girlfriend’s last name. And then her first name so she has no names left

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I’m the type of guy to give myself a hickey on my arm so that I have to wear long sleeves

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I don’t know how California is considered so progressive when they are an hour behind

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

Make sure to remember to toast to the Hound of Baskervilles this New Years.

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I’m going to start chewing Nicorette gum so that I can work my way towards a cigarette addiction

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I just want to grow a beard long enough that cookie crumbs get lost in there

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

“Reading accounting students’ writing makes me feel much better about my writing.”

Brandon’s tenth most pretentious thought of the day.

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

I’m using finals week as an excuse to drink as much coffee as humanly possible

[Brandon Royal @BrandonRoyal16]

My goal is to create an aura of unpredictability, sexual frustration, and inevitability.