Cassie Swayze

totally normal and not outrageous at all.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

What brand of contacts are best for crying all day in?

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Comparing a politician being convicted of 34 felonies to Jesus Christ being crucified is INSANE. And honestly sacrilegious.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Sometimes I just say “diaper?” to get my toddler to run away from me and leave me alone.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

The shear amount of plastic surgery I’m planning on is unreal.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

My genius child can count to two. Granted, he skips one, but we will take it.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Is matcha dirt water, yes or yes?

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Woulda been real cool if you stuck to wrecking your own family and left mine alone ✌🏼

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

I’ve purchased over 40 binkies and I can only ever find one.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

You can tell a lot about a man by his instagram explore page, and that is a hill I’ll die on.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Teenagers are only not scary when you are one.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

AND MY CREDIT SCORE IS 760

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Why was I allowed to take on $85k of student debt but they won’t approve me for a $14k car loan… I make nearly $70k…

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Just deleted the U2 album from my phone. February is looking more productive than January already.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

I miss who I was before everything went wrong 😞

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

My newborn, infant, 16-month old just used a fork for the first time and he might has well have just pierced it through my heart 😭😭😭

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

@HunterHasslen Who tf liked your tweet 😂

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Men have like four total thoughts in a day and have the audacity to tell me I’m overthinking something.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

@sea_jay_hunter Lmao fuck off

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

Sometimes I’m sad but then I look at my toddler’s beer belly and I’m suddenly cured.

[Cassie Swayze @BreezyCass]

IMAGINE fumbling me.