Brian Aillaud

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

"Oh wow" are some of the worst words to hear from your healthcare provider.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

I type about 50 words per minute, but agonize at 50 minutes per word.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

The laptop you want is $2700, one that matches your needs is $900, one that will be okay for the next year is $300. The _only_ thing that matters is how well the power cord packs into a carry-on bag, but you won't even try to coil it until your first trip with your new machine.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

People find rodents in canned green beans enough that I assume they are essentially the same thing. In my mind the flavor isn't the average of pest and bean, but 100% rat.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

A problem with showing glacial retreat as a 100' tall wall of ice retreating 100' in 100 yrs is that it looks like the glacier lost 1'/yr, which doesn't seem that bad. When it actually got 100' thinner across all its 100 square miles, a staggering loss of 2.8 million cuft/yr.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

Let's pretend for a moment that violent movies and video games condition people to buy weapons and use them for violence. Rather than doing nothing, isn't the obvious answer to make laws around both the weapon and it's glamorization?

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

A friend's mom used to, after days of getting ignored, text, "Are you dead"? I recently started typing that exact phrase when I realized that I am now the annoying parts of all our moms.

My future tweets will be the health conditions of people you don't care about.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

I would swap the "like" button for a "truth" button on social media. It works when you enjoy something, and when trying to amplify an important but unsavory fact. I generally don't read, "sugar and palm oil are products of human trafficking," and think, "yeah, I heart that."

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

It seems like if we taught children to love themselves it would be better than trying to force them to hate others.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

Most protagonists learn they have The Force, by owl or spirit, when young. I'm significantly, in a statistical sort of way, older than Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, but like Walter Mitty, I'm still dreaming of my deus ex machina moment.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

When I vote in a social media poll it is always for the option on the right because I'm trying to scroll past it.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

Sometimes I think to myself, "I should tweet that," then I review my paltry feed to make sure I haven't already tweeted it, and in the space of 37 sentences, the whole idea is lost.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

Glow in the dark locks should be everywhere.

#Engineering #Japan

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

I had to upgrade to a two-wick candle, I had too many problems to meditate into a single flame.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

Email is a medium where the worse or more laborious the message, the more veracity it is assumed to have.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

I received a sample of one grey colored contact. Now I'm only short a harness to be a Halloween sled dog.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

If an app asks me to rate the quality of my call, I'm always torn when, in crystal clear audio, I just finished a lovers' quarrel.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

When you finish doing the dishes, walk into the living room, and find a mug is one of the few times in life when profanity is obligatory.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

A list of all the opinions expressed by my high school teachers I agree with as an adult:

1) Persimmons are delicious.

[Brian Aillaud @BrianAillaud]

The world's fastest spider died last night. It fell into a baking dish that was soaking. It achieved limited fame by sprinting faster than light, and could maintain an average running speed faster than any known object. It is survived by 1,789,231 offspring.