Bridget Schwartz

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

I wrote my thesis on how we can elect a woman president, but I now see that I did not account for all external variables.

[Daniella Diaz @DaniellaMicaela]

President Joe Biden will receive a routine colonoscopy today while he is undergoing a physical at Walter Reed. The process, which requires anesthesia, means that he will temporarily transfer power to Kamala Harris, who will briefly become the 1st woman President.

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

my tax refund is about to buy me one (1) crisp glass of sauvy b paired with lively conversation about the outsized political impact of billionaires

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

80 degrees and sunny but it’s tax day

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

jealous of how far away they are from Earth today

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

So you’re telling me Dick Cheney died the same day 2 Muslim immigrants made electoral history AND we put Dems on the Georgia Public Service commission for the first time since 2000 ???

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

Sitting at your email job by day, posting on your stories like you’re Bernie Sanders himself by night

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

I’ll take “Things The President Was Missing In Childhood” for 100, Ken

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

The government rn

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

The life of a showgirl

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

Bleak headline olympic gold medalist right here

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

If I send you this it means I *don’t* have a scheduling conflict

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

Sorrrryy not sorrrryy 🇨🇦

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

Good news! You’re only allowed to have imposter syndrome this week if you:

1) Shared war plans in a group chat (again) and then cried about it at an event for children
2) Lost your government security credentials at a burger place
3) Were so mean and awkward it killed the Pope

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

“It’s good to see you in better health” hours before the Pope DIES has to be one of JD Vance’s greatest hits

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

Me: wow Cory Booker’s been going for 13+ hours, he must be tired

*tunes into the speech*

Cory Booker:

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

If we're suing based on our sexuality, I'm taking myself to court for every time I’ve crashed out over a guy who’s never heard of moisturizer

[Bridget Schwartz @Bridge_schwartz]

My Canadian family group chat last night