The Barista

Serving sass one cup at a time.

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

No, giggling white girl, I don't like pumpkin spice. I guess I'm not basic enough. #baristaproblems #BaristaLife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Yo, Hipster McDouchepants, could you speak up? I couldn't hear you over your pretentiousness. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Sir, I kick you out of my cafe at the same time every week. You damn well know what time we close. #baristaproblems #baristalife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

For the record, if you OD in my bathroom, I will tweet about you before I call EMS. #baristaproblems #baristalife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

"I don't drink coffee. What do you recommend?"
That you go somewhere else.
#baristaproblems #BaristaLife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Rest assured that our decaf button is equal-opportunity. We judge all asshats impartially. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Sir, since you want to be pissy when I ask if you have an allergy, I'll just let you order a large anaphylaxis next time. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Yes, we're open on Easter. Yup, totally godless heathens. Are you going to order your coffee or not, lady? #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Sorry, the chipper baristas work in the morning. It's only surly baristas after two PM. #baristaproblems #BaristaLife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Look, sir, I'm friendly at work because I'm paid to be; we're not friends. #baristaproblems #BaristaLife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Interrupting my break to tell me I'm your favorite will not make me come in to make your drink. You're not my favorite. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Me whenever someone orders pumpkin spice. #BaristaLife #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

No, I will not punch in the card number handwritten on a piece of paper. I like not committing fraud. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

If you order a pumpkin spice, I probably want to strangle you with my apron strings. #baristaproblems #BaristaLife

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Ma'am, I appreciate the lesson on the importance of birth control. Now, make your child get off my display shelves. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Sir, stop eyeballing my tip jar while trying to make exact change; I will stab you over a nickel. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Yes, privileged white girl, tell me again about your summer spent in Europe. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

Threatening to not give me a fifty cent tip if I don't make your drink right is only motivation for me to give you decaf. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

It's days like today that make me wonder if anyone has ever been stabbed to death with a Sharpie. #baristaproblems

[The Barista @BristaOutburst]

If "the other coffee shop" always does it the way you want, please go there with your bullshit order. #baristaproblems