BrittanyLeeMcDonald

I drink coffee at 10pm to challenge myself.
@ucbtny trained/performer
Comedian/actor/writer

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

They should make a spin-off of, "This is Us" called, "This is Ours"
What do you think?

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

It's snow stormy in NY! Car Drivers!Be safer because my only line of vision is scarf! Okay!
#snow #storm #eyesight #crazydrivers #mytweetfortheyear

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

My mom wants me to be settling down and I told her I want to be a witch. #witch #thewitchmovie #marriage #settle #ido

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

A homeless man asked a little girl for her Halloween candy. I've never seen so much reluctant conflict in my life. From everyone involved.
#candy #stranger #leaveheralone #wtf #wth #halloween #jokesonhim #shegavehimtwizzlers

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

@OhScotty Hahahahah a I'd be honoured.

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

The only thing I want is for people not to make flirty eyes with me in the middle of yawning. #silentscreaming #yawning #flirt #people #supercute #timing

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

A bluejay flew onto my fire escape this morning and stared at me thru my window....I'm kicking myself now because I should have let him in. #bluejay #cute #dinosaur #newpet #bff #birdlanguage #caaawwwwww

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

Luann De Lesseps Roxie: https://t.co/w6ElilRQNY via @YouTube

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

A tourist asked me what the best pizza place is and I pointed across the street at the first "best pizza" place.
They said, "really?"
I said, "oh absolutely, I'll always forget the first time I had it."
They smiled and walked towards the place. #always #never #nypizza #tourists

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

If you sing, "I don't get joy out of life anymore quack quack quack quack" you'll get into law school. Try it out! #rbg #lawschool #itislate #mightwork #ohapplications #ducks #ducklawyers #quack

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

If Ford agency ever offered me a contract, that would mean they want me to test out cars.
#dreambig #fordmodels #cars #Ford #notamodel #butcandrivestickshift #iwanttohugalion

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

First time I got in a LYFT and desperately wanted the snacks--only to find there is NONE. NONE I SAY. I'll have him pull over to Walgreens.
#hungry #badbreath #everytime #i #make #a #crinkle #noise #igetsideeye #iwillsuckontheseatbelt #nowalgreens

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

In my second night in LA I have had to barge thru two different windows due to locked doors of two different apartments. #shouldmovehere #la #dopestory #notreally #imtakingthecredit #windowhopping #sketch #heretoperform

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

“I can literally see his asshole..that’s so bizarre..Britt..it’s almost like ..he knows..”-my mom during FaceTime when the cat jumped in. #CatsOfTwitter #butthole #mymom #howcurious #conspiracytheory #facetime #verbatim #frontrowview

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

Update: Hagrid just kissed McGonagall on the cheek--and she blushed!

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

Reading Harry Potter again. It's been almost 20 years since. Truthfully? I'm just rereading it for the missed innuendos.
#sexytime #HarryPotter #abookaday #JKRowling #notreading #imseeing #scotland #peevesfrightensme #crushondumbldore #innuendos

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

I figured out which deli is the best deli by the amount of dudes hanging out by the deli. #wisdom #deli #bodega #life #liveit #veggieburrito #postshow #postshowsnacks

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

The scariest part of the tough mudder is after when you go to the bathroom for the first time. #muddyvagina #mudvagina #mudorpoop #toughmudder #5k

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

I found a huge bump on my head. AARP is working. #aarp #smarter #head #brainswelling #brains

[BrittanyLeeMcDonald @BritLeeMcDonald]

My therapist just said, "you're making me laugh now, fucking get out" She’s perfect. #goodmatch #therapy #coffee #beststandupsetever #hourlongstandup #swearword