Bruce Chandling

Excuse me America... Do you mind?

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

The Presidential Election. Have you seen this? I mean... hear me out for a second.. the electoral college? Put me in an electric CHAIR is more like it

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

They’re telling me I’m gonna be on the Net Flicks? https://t.co/FbJjxIBZG4

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

And I’m like.. If everyone on earth shat their pants at the same exact time, nobody would be embarrassed am I right?

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

How about bumper stickers anybody seen these bumper stickers? Anyone with me? It’s like hey, buddy.. I’m just tryin’ to drive from point A to point B.. I don’t need to C 👀 who you voted for!

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Insurrection? More like inch erection

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

I do NOT get women! Fellas you know what I’m talkin’ about

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Tinder.. ya seen this? iPhone Dating!? Swipin left, swipin right, before ya no it somones swipin ur credit card and ur face down in a ditch

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Ever seen a hippopotamus? We call her the hippolottomus cause she can't stay away from her scratch-offs. Also she's pretty heavy.

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Sure I could make a joke about the holidays and yada yada but u have NOT met my aunt Linda

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

People are telling me it's Christmas Eve and I'm just confused because it's not the evening yet it's 1pm anybody with me here?

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

So cats are a crazy thing eh? Imagine cats could talk, right, They'd be like "eyyy I'm hungry gimme that string"

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Anybody seen this Instagram crap? "Oh hey check out my muscles". It's Like, hey bozo, your 5 containers of turkey chili look like dog food

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

oh man,TGIF am I right? Ok. Hear me out for a second.. Work. You don't even wanna know how I feel about work.

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Of course I didn't actually flip em the bird I'm just trying to get a bit more edgy with my routine ya know. Appreciate some feedback

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

So today I hop on the 42 Freeway right, and some jabroni cuts me off, so I'm like hey buddy, why don'tcha cut off a piece of this! 🖕🏼

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

What's with the blue checkmarks? Apparently these ppl are "verified". Ok, get a million people followin me, only thing I'd be is terrified

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Presidential.. election. Have ya seen this?

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

and what the heck is a meme?!

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

How bout this election business? ya seen this? All this talk about recordings and emails, I can't figure out how to send a text on my iPad!

[Bruce Chandling @BruceChandling]

Horse Racing.. have ya heard about this? I don't know about you but I've never heard of a guy on a horse