Bryan Knewtson

I put the cat in vacation.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Why did the blind man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
#illseemyselfout

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Me: No worries!
Narrator: He had several worries.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Oh no

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

You'd think hip-hop music would have more bunnies in it, but no. Happy Easter. 😕

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

@Shane_Schmidt If you try to contact me again I will take legal action.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

You can't get that mad at me. I mean I was born at a really young age.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

The world is a magical place full of people waiting to be offended by something.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

I wear Heelies to escape from my feelies.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Being attracted to your own flaccid penis would be the worst fetish ever.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Why did we all learn the recorder in fourth grade? What were they preparing us for?

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

After a long day out I like to come home, kick off my shoes, lay in my chair, and shake my cat. 😌 #destress

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

The three stages of life:
1. Birth
2. What the fuck is this
3. Death

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Why do I "buckle up" if I pull the belt down. #deep #staywoke

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

When I see a skull I almost always assume it's a mans skull. Am I alone in this? Am I sexist? 💀💀💀

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Twitter is so dank, haha lit a dab on the fam, my good memer! #deadinside #killmeslowly

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Here's to the most emotionally abusive relationship in my life. I'll always love my cat just as much as he hates me.

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

Let's Make America Smart Again.

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

Only pussys get cyber bullied. #cyberbullyyourcat #dontbemeantocats
#catsarepeopletoo

[Bryan Knewtson @BryanKnewtson]

It's what makes me, me.

[Chad Edwards @edwardschad]

@heyitsdom Can you do the contest? I need to know in the next 15 mins or so. Let me know ASAP and send an email w pp. Dress up. #com1000wmu