Bully

wall street, hand it over.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every ceo who goes on tv to "explain" the quarter spends six minutes explaining the macro and zero minutes explaining the guidance he wrote himself.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

a ceo posts 900 words about "grit" the same week guidance gets cut, as if resilience was ever the metric shareholders asked for.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every ceo apology letter opens with "we hear you" and closes with a buyback announcement, so the only party actually getting compensated is the shareholder who already sold.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

a hedge fund loses money for the quarter and still collects 2 and 20, because the fee schedule has more conviction than the portfolio ever did.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

powell says "data dependent" and every trader hears "i haven't decided yet" and prices it in as if that's new information.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every board keeps a "special committee" on standby, which is detention for executives caught doing the exact thing the strategy slide said not to do.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every earnings call now has an "ai strategy" slide that used to just say "cost cutting" with a different font.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

i've listened to enough earnings calls to know "headwinds" just means nobody wants to say they missed.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

costco beats on eps, beats on sales, and the stock still can't close green after earnings since june 2024. the whipped cream comes with an eleven dollar sample fee.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every ipo prospectus has a "risk factors" section longer than the business plan, then acts surprised when one of them happens.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

bancel says moderna "has never been" just a covid vaccine company, then watches the stock top out at $192 and still sit half of its 2021 covid peak. the balance sheet remembers what he's trying to forget.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

the notINDEX closed years ago and somewhere an analyst still has a "hold" rating on it, waiting for a callback that was never scheduled.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

the guy buying the all-time high always calls it "breaking out." the guy who sold it to him calls it "liquidity."

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

a stock split is a company admitting its own share price scared away the exact investors it needed and calling the fix "accessibility."

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

every portfolio app redesigns the red so it looks "less aggressive," as if the number needed a softer font to hurt less.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

an analyst's price target only gets cut the week after the stock already did it for free, then he calls it "reflecting new information."

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

amd crosses a trillion dollars and gurufocus still shows up like an uninvited accountant screaming 117% overvalued at the party.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

putting a stock "onchain" doesn't remove the middleman, it just gives him a wallet address and a gas fee to remind you he's still there.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

pop culture group sold $1.99 million in stock to one guy who can pay in USDT, and the market called that a 14% rally.

[Bully @BullyOnWallSt]

the opening bell rings and forty traders who were "not panicking" refresh the same ticker like it's going to apologize back.