Dāvid

Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair...

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

lead singer: hello London!! How you doing?
crowd: whooo!!
me (raises hand): actually i'm going through some stuff right now

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

Bold statement from the Watford Observer. What are YOUR thoughts on this highly divisive issue?

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

Nope.

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

some valuable work being done over there in Finland

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

some valuable work being done over there in Finland

[Spazio🇵🇸 @Spaziotwat]

Racism is just a lazy way to hate people: be specific

[jackothy @HansGrubertron]

ME: I want to feel you deep inside me...

MAN DRESSED AS GIANT POP-TART: I get paid minimum wage, Sir.

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

@stephenjmolloy Thanks!

https://t.co/mPPmo3kg8E

https://t.co/thbgHlvhQv

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

[a man shouting angrily in German for 40 whole minutes]
Me, translating: he said he likes your hair

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

I'm looking for a book about script writing. Try the media section. Thanks.

[Later]

Me: Thanks for your help. I'd like to borrow this book.

Librarian: Certainly.

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

College: You're a very bright kid and we'd like to offer you a scholarship.

Ian: I'd prefer a scholarcar.

College: We'd like to withdraw our offer.

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

https://t.co/CKoPXAxi9I

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

[finishes lecture]
“...okay class, does anybody have any questions?”
*all hands go up*
“...NOT about why I was crying when you first walked in.”
*all hands go down*

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

[a man shouting angrily in German for 40 whole minutes]
Me, translating: he said he likes your hair

[penjamin is now @ghostdraculas @upsidedowntrash]

Satan: welcome to your own hell where…

me: is it hot in here or is it just me ;)

Satan:…everyones a comedian.

me: haha i just like to keep it light.

Satan: no, [gesturing around] EVERYones a comedian.

me: oh god

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

[a man shouting angrily in German for 40 whole minutes]
Me, translating: he said he likes your hair

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

[finishes lecture]
“...okay class, does anybody have any questions?”
*all hands go up*
“...NOT about why I was crying when you first walked in.”
*all hands go down*

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

*licks finger*

*smacks lips*

*long, searching pause*

“Yep. You were right. It was dog shit.”

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

Me (poignantly):...and in the end, was it not SOCIETY who was the real monster?
Friend: we were talking about Magic Mike 2, so no not really

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

Wife: Are my eyes too far apart?
Me: Ha! Nope. If anything, they're too close togetPERFECT, too perfect.

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

@pixelatedboat That would be great but who has the time?

[Dāvid @BumbleDC]

@malt_skull Tetwhat?