Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞

Used to Vend Buns. Now I’m a Bap Tosser. Fond of #DoctorWho, Heavy Metal, #StarTrek, Science. Considerably less fond of Donald Trump. #TheResistance #Shitgibbon

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Hello arseholes! Did you miss me? I apologise if you’ve tweeted me and I’ve not replied. I think I’ve replied to all my DM’s, but going back through two years of mentions may take a bit longer. So where the fuck do you think I’ve been, I hear you ask. Well.. buckle up..

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Happy Christmas to all, unless you’re orange and have a face like a face like a scrotum that’s been ravaged by a Rottweiler.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Even YOU can’t keep a straight face at the drivel that’s spouting out of your piehole. Enjoy prison.

[Russell Brand @rustyrockets]

Merry Christmas brothers and sisters. Accept all things, even trials as gifts from God. Jesus is real.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Trump desperately trying to distract everyone from the Epstein files and convince everyone he’s not a raging paedophile.

I don’t think it’s going well, if I’m honest.. #CreepyDon

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump: I am fine. You sound beautiful and cute. How old are you?

Caller: I am eight

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Get fucked you ridiculous pair of grifters.

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

Merry Christmas from President Donald J. Trump and First Lady Melania Trump 🇺🇸

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@ran_french @Badhombre @GovTimWalz The guy who murdered her was a Trump supporter, you thick fuck. 🙄

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

RIP Will Rush x

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@LindseyGrahamSC How much effort do you have to put in to crawling up Trump’s arse? Do you have to doggy paddle up there, or are you so adept that you can now just slither up there like the snake you are?

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@Pethol6 @WhiteHouse Bet you shat your peanuts when Michelle Obama suggested people eat healthy..

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@etta8247 @EdFatherOfCats What a [redacted] thought… [emoji redacted]

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@MarianMunkacsi The superglue will definitely come in handy. Hold fire on the coffin.. not planning on going anywhere just yet, though 2086 might be a bit of a stretch!

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

A number of you (that number being zero) have asked what I want for Christmas. After no thought, I have no idea what I’d like, and while I don’t wish to seem ungrateful, I have made a list of things I most definitely do NOT want. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@etta8247 It really would have.. as it is, he’s even closer to my house, so it’s worked out very well.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

I’ll never sing “it’s Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas” with the original lyrics again! Another masterpiece from the Queen of Snark, Randy Rainbow! Merry Fuckmas!

[Randy Rainbow @RandyRainbow]

Merry Crisis, everyone. My Christmas special is here. 🎄🔥 #NewVideo #parody

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

Remember when the Right lost their collective shit when Michelle Obama suggested people eat healthier? Yeh.. 🙄

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

ANOTHER MAHA VICTORY, NO MORE JUNK FOOD IN SNAP IN 18 STATES.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@jimnarlene Goodness knows, but yep, done that a few times as well.. and my bloody lip, which is still healing from a bite at the weekend! 😂

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

My mouth is full of blood. Because I’ve bitten my own tongue (as opposed to someone else’s). There’s proof of intelligent design if I ever needed it.. a designer who created us with the ability to accidentally eat ourselves… 🙄

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

C*nts, mostly.

[Captain Mark Kelly @CaptMarkKelly]

What kind of person, let alone a President, reacts to the murder of an American this way?

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@Ikdoehetniet That’s the one! And thank you! I look forward to it. Please wrap it in eco-friendly paper, and use string, not sellotape. I believe Kansas has the world’s biggest ball of twine, so you might want make some phone calls!

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@Ikdoehetniet Hmm.. not sure either of those would be much use. Don’t you have a rather nice dam over there.. quite fancy one of those!

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@MarianMunkacsi Yup! And yeh, I’ve seen Matt Forde’s impressions and he’s absolutely spot on!

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

He’s speaking from his arse, like you.

[America is back! @nancylee2016]

@RepMTG What a hypocrite. You are the one using politics Margie. @realDonaldTrump is speaking from the heart...you are trying to get clicks.

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@Kevsterooniee Thanks!

[Bacon Fingered Bap Tosser 🔞 @BunsOfHam]

@etta8247 Glad you’re (reasonably) well.. I can relate to the “could be better bit”! 😂 He did.. he moved in about three weeks ago.. it’s a lovely place and they’ve settled in really well, and very quickly. He’s extremely happy with it!