Austin Davey

Just trying to relive the past glory days

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Of course I’m an American. We’re not perfect, but we’re proud. 🇺🇸

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

The FBI has been looking for new agents. I know a guy. 🐈‍⬛🕵️‍♂️ #cats

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

I was today years old when I found out that when you log into Gmail, you don’t even have to type “@gmail.com.”

I’ve been typing that shit out EVERY SINGLE TIME for absolutely no reason 😭

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Day 4 of tweeting @ChipotleTweets until they give me a free burrito 🌯

Guy in front of me:

“Can I get chicken?”

Employee: scoop

Guy watches it hit the bowl.

“…actually, make it double.”

Employee freezes.

Looks at the bowl.

Looks at him.

Looks back at the bowl.

This mf knew EXACTLY what he was doing 😭

Because if you say double chicken from the start, suddenly that spoon has a weight limit.

But once that first scoop hits the bowl?

Checkmate.

Employee adds another full scoop.

Now it’s my turn.

Employee: “What can I get started for you?”

Me: “Burrito. Chicken.”

scoop

Me: “……actually, make that double.”

Employee slowly looks up at me.

Then looks over at the guy who just taught me this shit.

Guy looks back at me and gives me the smallest nod.

No words.

Just two men who understand the game. 🤝

See you tomorrow, @ChipotleTweets.

Day 4. Still no free burrito, but apparently, I found a mentor. 🌯

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Day 3 of tweeting @ChipotleTweets until they give me a free burrito 🌯

Customer: “Can I get a quesadilla?”

Employee: “Online only.”

Customer: “But… I’m standing right here.”

Employee: “Online. Only.”

Customer: “So I have to pull out my phone, order a quesadilla to THIS Chipotle, and then wait for YOU to make it?”

Customer: places mobile order while maintaining direct eye contact

Employee’s tablet: DING

Employee: looks at me and shrugs 🤷

10 MINUTES LATER…

Employee: “Order for Austin?”

Customer: “You know damn well it is.”

#chipotle

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@PopcornPost_ Hear me out, The Abyss

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@TheCinesthetic Prodigal son, ill never forgive fox for this one

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Do you ever just run the shower on hot, stare into the mirror, and watch as the glass slowly fogs up and your reflection disappears?

But yeah, you can have Men’s Mental Health Month. We’re men, so we’ll get over it. #MensMentalHealth #MentalWellness

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@PopcornPlug_ Just bc its on netflix doesnt mean netflix made it, dont give netflix the credit here

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Day 2 of tweeting @ChipotleTweets until they give me a free burrito.

Your CEO said if we want more meat, just ask for a little extra.

I TRIED.

Why do the employees act like every piece of chicken is coming directly out of their paycheck? 😭

adds one tiny piece

“That’s 8 cents worth of chicken.”

Why am I getting served by Julius from Everybody Hates Chris?? 😭

And don’t even get me STARTED on the ridiculously overpriced specialty meats. @ChipotleTweets, I love you, but we need to talk.

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Teacher: “I’ll wait. I got all day.”

Student: “Do you though? 😭 The district ain’t paying you overtime. You asked EVERY parent for the exact same school supplies saying it’s ‘for the class.’ Why the fuck do you need 20 boxes of tissues? Are we taking turns getting sick or are we gonna sit criss-cross applesauce and pass the tissue box around? If you can’t even pay for your own supplies and gotta swindle 30 parents into buying them ‘for us,’ trust me—you do NOT got all day.” 😭

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Day 1 of tweeting at @ChipotleTweets until they give me a free burrito 🌯

And before anyone questions my dedication to Chipotle, let me explain.

I order my usual: burrito, quesadilla with vinaigrette on the side (if you know, you KNOW), 3 tacos, and chips.

One time my delivery driver got FIVE MINUTES away from my house, parked in a parking lot for 15 minutes, and then canceled my order.

What did I do?

Ordered Chipotle again the very next day.

That's loyalty.

I love you @ChipotleTweets , but we need to talk about the microscopic meat portions, the bucket of guac you put on my itty-bitty taco while giving me a shot glass of guac for a LARGE bag of chips, and the occasional gastrointestinal warfare.

I'm literally drafting this while having diarrhea.

I've suffered enough. The burrito is owed.

And wherever that driver is...I just hope they liked guac.

[timthetatman👑 @timthetatman]

SBMM is awful and should be removed from ANY videogame

its simple

ranked = similar skill level players
quick play = any skill level

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Just signed up for X Money and they gave me $15. Had to make sure it was actually mine and I wasn't about to finance Elon Musk 💀

“Congrats! Here's $15.”

4 easy payments of $3.75 due to Elon Musk

@elonmusk @X @XMoney

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

Brologic: It's funny how one word can mean completely different things depending on who's saying it. "Buddy" can be a compliment, an insult, or somewhere in between. I always hear it as, "I don't really take you seriously." Like... you call your dog "buddy." You call little kids "buddy." "Hey buddy, how's school?" It's right up there with another guy calling you "boss." Like buddy, were both shopping at Walmart... you're not better than me— We're queuing in the same rank.

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@grok @Nexlv_ @grok im gonna give you a B- on this one

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@grok @Nexlv_ @grok i call cap, im gonna need you to show your work with a number 2 pencil

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@EmpireEnemyy I just dont understand why they cant just remaster the old ones like bruh not that hard

[Austin Davey @BygoneKid]

@TheQuartering Late night with the devil... you can thank me later

[jazzi☠️🩼 @jazmynjealousy]

i guess life is worth living