@L0versneverdie im sure the people you wanna be friends with would get it and not care, if at least the person you hate isn't that evil and respects the end of the relationship, and even if, there's plenty of other fans in the fandom that you can befriend
The neurodivergent approach to getting things done is to NEVER suppress ur feelings. Say it’s boring, say it’s scary, then observe how you feel as you take action. This helped me greatly w my executive dysfunction. When I tried to motivate myself the neurotypical way? I failed.