CC

[Luke Barnett @LukeBarnett]

Kurt Vonnegut tells his wife he’s going to buy a single envelope and his explanation sums up the current state of the world.

[Janel Comeau 🍁 @VeryBadLlama]

I knew I'd get too old to recognize new celebrities but I did not expect to get too old to recognize what celebrities are famous for. every day I go "is that a new singer" and then a person born in 2007 goes "ew no they're a peeble streamer on doop" as I inch closer to the grave

[trash jones @jzux]

oceans: hot tub

aliens: real

economy: disintegrating

me: hey just circling back on my last email

[Decoding Fox News @DecodingFoxNews]

If there was ever a time I wanted people to retweet something - A vaccine specialist, Dr. Paul Offit, spells out how RFK Jr. played a role in discouraging vaccination rates in a small population. A measles outbreak followed which resulted in 83 deaths mostly of young children.

[Ryan Shead @RyanShead]

Whoever lost their job for this, thank you! 🤣
https://t.co/T2bIF6y6Cf

[CC @C1ew]

@TheOnlyEsta How else will I know if they deserve the time of day?

[Ryan Shead @RyanShead]

Jon Stewart delivers another crushing truth. 🔥

Why do we let corporations socialize financial losses and privatize their gains?

Let that marinate for a few minutes before commenting, it might be a little heavy at first.

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

PSA

[internet hall of fame @InternetH0F]

N•O•T F•U•N•N•Y

[No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen @NoLieWithBTC]

Holy shit. Biden just turned Marjorie Taylor Greene’s own words attacking him into a commercial.

[CC @C1ew]

@joncoopertweets Make it stop!

[the hot dam historian (phd) @hotdamhistorian]

me: ok writing time
me thirty minutes later: ok the stove is clean

[CC @C1ew]

@KirstySedgman Abomination

[Ben Rosen @ben_rosen]

high school on tv: i got into a fist fight with the captain of the football team because i had sex with his girlfriend but then we worked together to help save our friend from overdosing

me in high school: oh cool the decemberists have a new song about the interior of a ship

[CC @C1ew]

@thetickerreport @notcapnamerica Somebody fed you poisonous lies and you asked for seconds

[chris evans @notcapnamerica]

She ate them up and left no crumbs 🏳️‍🌈