Carlos Marquez

Trying to be comedian from New Mexico. I like my odds. I also sing too much, if you're into that. And I dance. #Swellrounded

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

They say pressure is self-inflicted... Unless you're in front of me in a line for ice cream... Then that's me doing that

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Fuuuuuuuuuck!! RIP Prince :(

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Every time I go outside, the wind blows ever ounce of optimism off of me

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

It's Monday as fuck right now

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Doris Burke just said "salty" so I can say damn near anything now, right?

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Me: I really don't understand women
Grandpa: Well, as you get older....... You'll get more confused.
He's been married 60 years.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Mom just started watching Walking Dead. She's already seen main characters die. Hasn't shown a bit of emotion. Says she likes the show.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Kobe took more shots than a sorority, but damn last night was amazing. Forever a legend.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

I try to stay up later on Sundays, so that I can postpone Monday from happening. It makes more sense in my head.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

I'm not going to see Hateful 8. I played an impractical joke on myself cuz I got sleepy.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Hateful 8 tonight at movies 8. If I see you there, make loud noises. That's the signal.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

There's bigger problems than being single in your twenties. For example: I'm pretty sure beer is getting more expensive and no one noticed.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

I actually like when someone gives me attitude, because I've been trained by Hispanic people my entire life. We throw curve bullets w/words

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Getting my Summer body ready by eating junk food in the spring and assuming the result will be fine.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

I wake up. Try to be happy. Then the day happens. Aaaand I'm immediately thrown into my grumpy ol man mood.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

My ukulele mixtape is called "Fight Club". Partly because of the tracklist, but mostly because no one is talking about it.....yet.

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

If I ever get married, it will be to a woman that is fluent with inside jokes. I'll cook, girl

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Today makes way too much sense. I feel like kissing today REAL HARD...but in the ominous Italian way #FredoKiss

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Knock knock. Who's there? April. April who? April Fools! **immediately starts fucking snowing**

[Carlos Marquez @C3Leeto]

Working out tomorrow morning and eating Apple pie for breakfast. Because of balance, er whatever.