CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press

🇵🇭 Combat Associated Press (CAP) News.
Home of satire wrestling news.
"Everything is real except for the parts I made up."

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

BREAKING: Former physical therapist who claimed to have an affair with Daniel Bryan is now the WWE Women's Champion.

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@theblazedone https://t.co/nbNPAxdaTz

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

🚨 BREAKING: Crown Jewel Reportedly Moving to Israel

Following recent security concerns in Saudi Arabia, WWE has reportedly decided to move Crown Jewel to Tel Aviv, Israel.

Sources say RAW will also broadcast the night after with a special edition of RAW IS WAR.

SmackDown will reportedly not be included in the tour due to Sami Zayn's reportedly “not-so-friendly” relationship with the country.

WWE has also reportedly begun making several completely unnecessary changes to accommodate the trip.

Sources claim Drew McIntyre will temporarily be renamed “Jew McIntyre,” while Paul Heyman will apparently go by “Paul E. Stein.”

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

🚨 BREAKING: WrestleMania 43 Reportedly Set to Move to Houston

Following recent security concerns in Saudi Arabia, a source within WWE has reportedly confirmed that the company is seriously considering moving WrestleMania 43 to Houston, Texas.

Sources further claim that the move would make The Rock “almost guaranteed” to appear on the show, with a strong possibility of him competing in the main event.

The development comes after The Rock has reportedly been lobbying WWE to recreate WrestleMania 17 as a “live-action remake.”

Ironically, WrestleMania 17 took place in Houston.

In related news, LA Knight is reportedly expected to win the World Heavyweight Championship at Money in the Bank, shave his head bald, and go on to face The Rock at WrestleMania.

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@Ringwirenews

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@kiiingucey

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@TruthWolf56 My source is SelfMadebyMe

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@announcedtba This news is not fake, it's scripted

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@clint4freedom I am the cap

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@WillyM79 Not if you're WWE or the wrestlers. You miss out on a gigantic payday

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@NobodysRebel My source is SelfMadeByMe

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@NobodysRebel Source: SelfMadeBM

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

🚨 BREAKING: Crown Jewel Reportedly Moving to Israel

Following recent security concerns in Saudi Arabia, WWE has reportedly decided to move Crown Jewel to Tel Aviv, Israel.

Sources say RAW will also broadcast the night after with a special edition of RAW IS WAR.

SmackDown will reportedly not be included in the tour due to Sami Zayn's reportedly “not-so-friendly” relationship with the country.

WWE has also reportedly begun making several completely unnecessary changes to accommodate the trip.

Sources claim Drew McIntyre will temporarily be renamed “Jew McIntyre,” while Paul Heyman will apparently go by “Paul E. Stein.”

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

Read more about the WrestleMania 17 remake here https://t.co/LV8fu8PGVq

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

🚨 BREAKING: The Rock Proposes “Live-Action” Remake of WrestleMania 17

Inspired by the success of the "live-action" Moana, The Rock has reportedly lobbied WWE to produce a live-action remake of WrestleMania 17.

The Rock will reprise his main-event role against Stone Cold (now played by LA Knight), except this time he’ll actually win because he owns TKO shares.

Other cast members include:

- Kevin Owens as Mick Foley
- Chad Gable as Kurt Angle
- Ilja Dragunov as [NAME REDACTED]
-The Bloodline as Right to Censor
- Dirty Dom as his father, Eddie Guerrero

The McMahons will also reprise their roles, with Vince being replaced by the Gingerbread Man.

Triple H vs. Undertaker will be remade as an arm-wrestling contest since both men are unable to take bumps anymore.

The only match yet to be cast is the legendary 3-way TLC tag team match.

Sources say WWE is stuck because they “don't have any tag teams left.”

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

He regularly jobs to 150 pound guys.

In kayfabe, all the money he spent on PEDs went to waste.

[NoDQ.com: WWE and AEW news @nodqdotcom]

“Brian Cage’s PED Usage Admission Should Raise Serious Questions About AEW’s Drug Testing Policy (or Possible Lack Thereof)” https://t.co/H6xDZml0rQ

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

🚨 BREAKING: Disney Reportedly Developing Chris Benoit Biopic Portraying Him in a More “Positive Light” After Lindsay Clancy Gains Online Support

Following a huge online wave of people attempting to rationalize Lindsay Clancy’s actions, Disney executives have reportedly seen an opportunity to revisit the story of Chris Benoit.

Unlike previous portrayals, the film will reportedly place greater emphasis on Benoit’s mental health, WHO HAS ACTUAL CTE.

The film will highlight the relationship between brain trauma and mental health rather than simply defend someone who committed a heinous act because they're a white mom who does pilates.

Meanwhile, because Disney is STILL reportedly very woke, Carmelo Hayes has already been cast to portray Chris Benoit.

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

Check the source.

SelfMade means they just made them up themselves.

[SuplexInsider @SuplexInsider]

[🔴]NEW:

There was reportedly an idea discussed within WWE Creative involving LA Knight potentially defeating Roman Reigns at Money in the Bank in a shocking World Title victory.

The idea would tie into the WarGames storyline.

(SelfMadePW)

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

Thankfully the airbags worked.

[Second City Saint ✖ ★ @JK_Stratton]

Tiffany Stratton is practicing dives over the ropes on her stream and that one... didn't go so well 🫣❤️‍🩹

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@Thuglas2k Most of the WWE audience are kids, of course AEW will have the size advantage 😂 Chill out

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

AEW Fans will be outnumbered but they do have the "size" advantage.

[Jimmy From The Q @JimmyFromTheQ]

I propose every fan that goes to AEW All Out and every fan that goes to WWE Worlds Collide meet after each respective show ends and at Solider Field a battle of the death will take place.

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

@EscobarFurious @WWE I'm sad not a lot of people remember the great doctor Shelby anymore.

[CAP Wrestling News - Combat Associated Press @CAPWrestleNews]

While I don't care for most of the matches, one of my personal favorite promos did happen in AEW.

That MJF promo about being a CM Punk fan as a kid and Punk "leaving" him is an all timer. I still tear up every time I remember it.