Chris Parrish

Husband of 1, Legitimate father of 2. Avid non-runner. Arrhythmic gymnast. Sagittarius.

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Post storm update: My father-in-law is worried that looters are going to steal his left handed golf clubs. #HELENE

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Texted my wife, “busy day at work” as I watch an ABC News live stream of panda bears on TikTok. #PANDAWATCH

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

@Yayamom43Leslie He’s not putting it in his Diet Mountain Dew I can tell you that.

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Remember the way your dad would eat peanuts by grabbing a handful and shaking them like a pair dice as he ate them one by one?

Baby, Tim Walz invented that. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

The problem with social media is that it’s given idiots a platform… unrelated, is anyone else curious what their belly button tastes like?

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

This scene was actually based on a true story when Tim Walz had to put his foot down with his kids. The man loves his grapes! #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

In 2006 on a connecting flight in Minneapolis–Saint Paul International Airport. Between flights, I was lucky to spot a Subway back when a $5 Footlong meant something. As one would guess, Tim Walz was my sandwich artist and made me the best Cold Cut Trio of my life. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

The grabbing a handful of nuts joke is not lost on me. I’m all about that nuance.

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

I don’t think Tampon Tim is the flex you think it is. Tim Walz would know you had started your period before you did. The guy is pretty much a grizzly bear. He’d also bring you snacks. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

You won’t hear about this in the press, but Tim Walz was late to give his speech because he was teaching my how to ride a bike. I’m 39. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

*Knock at the door*

It’s Tim Walz and he’s going to check that toilet that keeps running #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz knows what a 30% chance of precipitation actually means. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz finally saw the video for A-ha’s “Take On Me” and is reading their whole Wikipedia page out loud to his family. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

And yes, it did have mayo on it.

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz completely housed a bratwurst before giving his speech. #BigDadEnergy #ExtraSauerkraut

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz whispered to himself, “that’s not going anywhere” as he checked the stage rigging for stability. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Kamala wanted to make the announcement yesterday, but Tim was busy cutting his neighbor’s grass. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz will be the AAA Roadside Emergency Vice President. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

Tim Walz was late to give his speech because he had to make sure all the lights were off in the house. #BigDadEnergy

[Chris Parrish @CAParrish]

This is the equivalent of “I’m taking my ball and going home.”

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Going forward, any Twitter handles engaging in impersonation without clearly specifying “parody” will be permanently suspended