Chalkboardfatass

''He's been trained to eat things that would make a belly go puke''

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@ZoPunny so i can take this one?

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@KLobstar whats green and white and hops all around?
a frog sandwich.

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

enjoy your special day, Earth. the big 6-0-0-0, time flies. happy 6000th birthday, big mama

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@jordanbpeterson @joerogan looks like youre holding a cardboard cut out in a shoe store

[Mikey McKernan @mikeymckernan]

NEW VIDEO UP! Arizona Day 2! I check out Butcher Jones Rec Site at Saguaro Lake and do a bar gig in Phoenix! Really like this one when it comes to a look into a comics life. PLEASE SHARE!

https://t.co/5KYa0CG9IO

#youtube #vlog #comedian #standupcomedy #standupadventures

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@molotov_moktail i keep trying to describe midnight mass to ppl without saying “its about vampires”; “it friggin’ sucks” is way faster, thanks man

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@AmymAisme “you just woke up the fuckin’ baby. ask me how i know that”

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@molotov_moktail why, am i supposed to be getting something out of THIS

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@HeathenFriendly @marknorm great, now i cant do it and you didnt even use “stinker”

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@CormacMcCrthy no blue checkmark, attaboy

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@jeremiahstandup does her friend jeremiah have a boyfriend or

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@kumandgo oh its the founders name, now it makes sense, “kum & go” seemed so formal to me

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@invisibleinkie geez, not on there, but maybe “NPC - nothing going on; v little to say; just trying to be helpful”

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@cybertronicband shockwaves the best. rock on, shockwave, youre doing great

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

if, like me, youre looking for spots, karaoke nights are just open mics with walk-on music. do 4 minutes to “summer lovin’”, 8 to “stairway”, boom, 2 spots right there; say you opened for garth brooks, since someone always sings “friends in low places”

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

whatever. in a million years, lola bunny in basketball shorts could never hold a candle to bugs in a dress

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

a cephalopod passed a cognitive test designed for children, proving, once and for all, that octopuses are fuckin’ idiots.

https://t.co/bunnp06Gg2

[Don Hollander @hollander_don]

Here are my new jokes!

[Chalkboardfatass @CBoardfatass]

@Pappadopolis84 final fantasy x-2’s opening is bananas, its basically the cast in a super elaborate music video, chorus goes “what can i do for you?!” like an in-joke about the upcoming fetch-it quests, i remember thinking “is the whole game like this?”