Justin™

@swampthingraps. backburner. toolshed.

[Justin™ @chokeules]

been wearing this operation ivy shirt so long now it’s a rancid shirt

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Who knows what’s AI now. Enough to make you miss Will Smith eating spaghetti. That shit slapped

[Justin™ @chokeules]

@OrangeFreddyG Not what we meant when we said get a grip

[Justin™ @chokeules]

“Ever been abducted?” is a probing question. “How can you not like Crosby?” is a pro Bing question

[Justin™ @chokeules]

If you drink in Bickford Park, then go have a few more across the street in Christie Pits, that’s parallel parking

[Justin™ @chokeules]

I got garlic hummus to keep me safe from vampire hummus

[Justin™ @chokeules]

i bet teachers college has so many teachable moments

[Justin™ @chokeules]

“Knocketh Knocketh”
“Whomst goeth there?”
“Bartholomew Winthorpe III”
“Bartholomew Winthorpe III whom?”
“Bartholomew Winthorpe III whom fuckethed thy peasant matriarch”

[Justin™ @chokeules]

it’s actually ableist to fetishize a spherical raccoon. that’s spineless behaviour

[Justin™ @chokeules]

that reject monkey got nothing on jimothy

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Just gave some kid a lollipop that was on fire. You shoulda seen his face light up

[Justin™ @chokeules]

“Actually monkeys open bananas the other way” ok but why are you taking culinary advice from shit tossing finger sniffing monkeys

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Talking bear in a Virgin Records mech suit, stepping out of an Amazon Prime Time Machine: Greetings, I’ve travelled here from the distant future, 2046. Are humans aware they’re near extinction?

Me: Does a bear shit in the woods?

Time travelling talking bear: What is the woods?

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Every time that Mitch Hedberg impersonator pops into my algorithm it pisses me off an unjustifiable amount. Hopefully you never find out who I’m taking about

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Toronto, we did it!!! Number one babyyyy

[Justin™ @chokeules]

I don’t wanna see 35 degrees unless I’m looking at a triangle

[Justin™ @chokeules]

I never wanted to be a muscle tee guy, but the heat has left me no choice. Every morning I wake up, reach in my closet, and cut the sleeves off one of my favourite shirts. The surviving shirts are terrified, knowing their day will soon come

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Day one of no social media…aw fuck

[Justin™ @chokeules]

@TMZ Oh no what about their shitty podcast

[Justin™ @chokeules]

My bookmarks reflect the person I want to be, my open tabs show who I truly am

[Justin™ @chokeules]

Washed my dish rack but there was nowhere to let it dry, so I had to buy another dish rack. That’s a classic scheme known as the dish rack racket