u dont say

This is a parody account & in no way affiliated with the real me.

[u dont say @CLOheadUDS]

Remember when clowns were stalking us and everyone was scared? 2020 has us hunting them down and dating them

Literally take my life

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

maybe twitter continues to be down because nobody has told it to cheer up

[𝙳𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚚𝚞𝚎. @theprettydom_]

Manifest quietly 🤫 you’ve never heard a tree grow.

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

Do the rest of the Star Fleet captains have as many problems as Kirk? Maybe HE'S the issue, ever think of that?

[mitski bot @mitskilyricsbot]

I'm staying up late just in case you come up and ask to leave with me

[Adelaide @ADHDelaide]

I have ADHD so why use one sentence when 10 will do

[Scruffy @UnimpressedWU]

How depressed were you when you let that guy stick his dick in you?

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

vampire: *goes to bite me*

me: ohhh nooo don't make me immortal and super strong and sexy aaaahhh

[ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵̛̛̜͉̰͈̩͙͌̈̉̆̋̊͡͡e b̡͇̲̏́̐̓̐́̇eest @flashember]

it gets dark at night because a giant evil bird spreads its wings and blots out the sun. how did you not know this

[u dont say @CLOheadUDS]

I wonder if my vagina was the only vagina the ER doc got to see that day

[Shenanigans @Shenanigans_luv]

BARISTA: what can I get you

ME: medium roast please

B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato

M: *under breath* damn

[u dont say @CLOheadUDS]

The end of the rainbow isn’t a pot of gold, it’s a wheel of cheese

[Janie @BeardRidingMinx]

i am sure the path to happiness ends with cheese

[꧁ .and he joked again. ꧂ @AndyJokedAgain]

* theater *

casting director: can you play a rebel?

me: no

casting director: perfect

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

Ugly is a personality not an appearance

[ρꪮꪮ𝓳ꪖ 🌸 @YourSomeone11]

Crave a love so deep that the oceans want to swim in it.

[Cheeky P @0000seapea808]

I don’t kill time...

I play with it until it has its way with me

[G0ATH0E @G0ATH0E]

GH TOTD: keep a bag of hoein’ things in a bag nearby at all times

stock it with stuff like:

lube
condoms
wipes
clean panties
toothbrush
toothpaste
$20
plan b
small toy
or whatever works for u

then just say u need to get ur hoe bag when in time of need

#sex #advice #sexadvice