Balasang

It's worth the wait. 😍

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

It's ok babe, I just woke up. 😘

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

Bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko?

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

Yung nakakakilig sa sakit. 😆😀😐😑😟😢😭

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

@SolidongTsquare Can you give me an arki bf? 😂😂😂

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

@JayG64793643 @kaeofficial Not always, dear. 😊

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

@kaeofficial I just don't get it. If you want to praise someone why do you still need to embarrass another person. #justsaying

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

@kaeofficial Maybe our President has valid reason for not attending. Better reason than just a sleep you are talking about.

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

I just need someone who will prove me wrong.

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

Good night everyone. Sweet dreams.

[Balasang @CPAinlove]

Ang kwento nating dalawa, aking ilalathala...
Sana hindi mo mabasa. 😜

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

According to my phone, my wife has been typing for 10 minutes.

Either the app froze or I'm about to receive the worst text of my life.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[buckling into the car]

Wife: You're wearing THAT?

Me: I've been dressed like this for the last two hours.

Wife: I don't look at you.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: What’s new?

Guy I haven’t seen in 10 years: I’m a CEO. You?

Me: 4 kids and Twitter

That awkward silence was because he was impressed.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: *calls* How are my kids?

Grandma: We're having so much fun

Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra-

Grandma: Come get your kids.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Can your come here for a second?

4-year-old: I didn't do it!

Me: Do what?

4: It.

Whatever it was, she sounds innocent.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

The four most expensive things my wife ever said:

1) I'm pregnant.

2) I'm pregnant.

3) I'm pregnant.

4) I'm pregnant.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: What do polar bears eat?

Me: Seals

4: What do brown bears eat?

Me: Salmon

4: What do pandas eat?

Me: Kids who ask questions

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[watching a cake decorating show]

4-year-old: That's what I want to be.

Me: A cake decorator?

4: A cake eater.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

My wife gave birth 4 times and still fits in her prom dress from high school.

I gave birth 0 times and I don't fit in my pants from March.