CV

perpetual insomniac / 90's kitsch / reluctant writer
poetry editor for @rejectionlit

[CV @CVanWerven]

Life hack?

Meet your daily exercise goal by having an anxiety attack! 🤗🥰🤠

I’ve discovered my Apple Watch registers my anxiety as cardio. Exciting development!

[CV @CVanWerven]

So anyway… I’m feeling a bit off today

[CV @CVanWerven]

this morning I got coffee on my way to work and the guy at the window handed me my order and said in the MOST serious voice “you be careful out there today, okay?”

And I drove the rest of the way to work like 🤨🧐 was that a threat? What does he know that I don’t?

[CV @CVanWerven]

And yesterday a marketer came to my door and I turned him away and as I was shutting my door he yelled through the crack “don’t be afraid of change!”

[CV @CVanWerven]

I make a dream board for my chores instead of a to do list.

[CV @CVanWerven]

I can’t be the only person with the morning routine of looking at themself in the mirror, shrugging, and in a scottish accent saying “that’ll do, donkey, that’ll do”

[CV @CVanWerven]

You know your whole family is neuro spicy when you go visit your sister in her classroom (she teaches special ed) and you and your mom immediately adjust the blinds to make sure they’re the same length while your little brothers find all the sensory toys and go ham

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

- shows up seasonally
- pops up mysteriously in the middle of the night
- feeds on decaying matter
- can be toxic if you lick the wrong one

things that describe mushrooms and spirit halloween

[CV @CVanWerven]

@KayliMay87 @carrieehowell 😂😂😂 yes you should

[CV @CVanWerven]

Tonight’s girl (court jester) dinner (communion) was grape juice, a handful of Cheetos, and a banana zucchini muffin

[CV @CVanWerven]

Girl dinner is: reheating leftover pasta and my microwave surged and made my power go out. Instead of flipping the breaker switch to turn the lights on and finish reheating it, I ate my lukewarm/slightly cold pasta in the dark.

[Donovan Reynolds @donovanreyno1ds]

How Ronald Reagan Ruined America

(a thread)

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

(deep sigh) All six wildfires in the Pacific Cascade Region this weekend were caused by fireworks.

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

(Falling to my knees, begging, pleading)
Please.
Folks, seriously.
PLEASE.
Do not - and I can’t emphasize this enough - set the state on fire this weekend.

[Mason Mennenga @masonmennenga]

god, literally in the bible: “let *us* make humankind in *our* image”

conservative christians:

[Mason Mennenga @masonmennenga]

ecclesiastes:

[MM Kaufman @mm_kaufman]

I just want to be a successful enough writer that my family will stop asking me when I’m getting:
A. A real job.
B. A PhD.
C. A baby.

[CV @CVanWerven]

Meet Toad

[CV @CVanWerven]

@KayliMay87 Single color yarn in a light shade is the easiest to learn with, because it’s easiest to see your stitches! That’s my piece of advice.

[CV @CVanWerven]

@KayliMay87 Oh gosh the first cd I bought myself was Carrie Underwood’s debut album (😬)