Catherine Weltzer

Life is a nightmare | Existence is a prison | Canada is a simulation

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

What if I told you I’m actually so humble it loops back around to be extreme overconfidence.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

My favorite activity is lightly trauma dumping on people. I call it trauma sprinkling.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Webkinz had my childhood self skipping homework in order to go to the KinzVille Acadamy and give my pets a good education.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

I’m fully convinced switching your laundry form the washer to the dryer is the most physicality vulnerable position you can be in. You’re hunched over, trying to avoid the wet clothes touching you, oddly sweaty, not to mention you keep dropping your underwear. It’s just awful

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Beauty hack: Save money and time by simply eating on your bed, the crumbs will exfoliate your skin while you sleep! No more buying sugar scrubs!

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

They really need to make chip bags quieter. I really don’t need the entire office knowing I’m on my 4th bag of @Doritos

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

@Snapchat bring the egg flip game back. It's the only thing I had with living for. 🍳

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Everyone knows lobsters are the dogs of the sea.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

I could really go for some primordial soup rn.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

My sister just said my face looks like a thumb. I will be passing away now.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

We need to acknowledge the massive monopoly Elkay has on water fountains

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Just thinking about how I haven't had a pizza with one of those little tables on it in awhile...maybe that's why I'm depressed.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

What are you talking about? I'm a GOOD Christian whore.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Mentally I've been in October for 2 months and it hasn't even started yet.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Omw to @ChickfilA to get a milkshake. Hopefully I won't spill this one all over my car like I did the last 2.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

Be the soup you want to eat in life.

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

@aba_snabs I would name my baby manatee Barbara

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

What if we don't ALL live in a yellow submarine?

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

@aba_snabs I would also absolutely love a baby kangaroo

[Catherine Weltzer @CWeltzer2]

@aba_snabs Why don't I have a water buffalo?????