Callum

28

[Kevin Farzad @KevinFarzad]

I don’t get why I feel bad all the time when I drink 8 glasses of water a year just like you’re supposed to

[ste(ph)en @stephenjmolloy]

Waiter: How did you find your meal, sir?

Me: Yeah, it was nice.

Waiter: That's not what I meant and you know it.

Me: Another waiter told me where you hid it.

[furby hancock @furby_hancock]

oh cool. the music. literally the one thing i've been trying not to face

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@LoyleCarner He's gonna be smashed by quarter to ten 😂

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

My nan recently passed away and my mum received a sorry for your loss card from her work, and look at this, you had one job zoe ffs

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@Jordan_Coombe Good one mate bet you're so proud of this purely original tweet https://t.co/9dGLJIEwKo

[Charlie George @CharlieDewey]

Just because you're 5, doesn't mean the law doesn't apply to you, fucking little twat https://t.co/paPZfxLa8V

[Cat Damon @CornOnTheGoblin]

me: gimme something strong
[bartender sets down an ant] this little guy can carry 50 times his own body weight

[chuuch @ch000ch]

in just a few short decades there will be grandpas named Chad

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@NUFC @CopaAmerica @Albirroja @PLinUSA Fuck off announce Rafa

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

My middle names are never going to be the same again

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@Draytonmanor why is G Force closed today?

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@ibby_008 @AymanAl_i @Mark_Champ20ns Haha good joke Ibrahim, you should write that one down for future reference, I'm crying with laughter.

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy Thanks for that Kylie

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy Sam I'm gonna need you to bale me out of that joke

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

@kellyzormpa @SamJHandy But then again it's pretty childish considering karius isn't handling things very well at the moment

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

My Dog Can't Get Comfortable: A Compilation

[Callum @CaIIumHowden]

nothing tells me I'm prepared for summer more than my wardrobe full of black clothes