Grant

absolutely not an earthworm piloting a human suit

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

there is no sweeter pleasure than scrolling through amazon on amazon prime day and seeing what weird, likely useless gadget i'll be recommended this time. WHAT EVEN IS A NECK FAN??? (and is $24 dollars a good price? 👀)

[Los Angeles Chargers @chargers]

Should we REALLY make our schedule release video an anime?

yes yes yesyes
yesyes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yesyes yes yes
yes yesye yes yes
yes yes yesyes

[✨Starlight💫 @magicalstarlite]

THIS IS A REAL YUGIOH PROMO

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@soldernate We're living in crazy times, family comes first. Stay safe, wishing y'all the best. ❤️ #GiantsPride

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

Parents Naming 7 Dwarves:

"This one will be Happy!"

"That's sweet hon, but don't we want them all to be h-"

"And this one will be Sleepy!"

"Err, I think he's just taking a na-"

"This one will be Dopey!"

"Wait what the fu-"

"And this one will be Doc!"

"...sure, whatever."

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

i'm the kind of guy who says sorry when someone bumps into me, scrutinizes their befuddled look as i scurry away, then ruminates over whether i was "weird about it" for the next three minutes.

...i'm fun at parties I SWEAR

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

i had a dream where danny devito died and i cannot overstate the sheer panic that filled me as i woke up, lunging for my computer

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

you ever have that internal debate when you accidentally delete an older tweet and you're like "hmmm is this worth sharing to the world AGAIN"

...y-yeah, me neither

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

me irl: weeding out some old twitter follows

me in my head:

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

so i had YouTube auto-play on in the background and the second song on my "punk rock mix" was take me home, country roads by john denver.

like don't get me wrong, that song is amazing, but like -

I.

HAVE.

QUESTIONS.

[Plague Of Gripes @PlagueOfGripes]

An apparition appears in your room, alongside a more successful looking doppelganger of yourself.

Apparition: " - and THIS is what you would be!"

Doppelganger: "Oh my god! Spare me these twisted visions, specter! I've learned my lesson!"

(both vanish)

You: Hey what the fuck

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@paraphrasepod Hi Stephen! I'm an English grad student and PP gave me the idea to explore the structure of poetry collections (which piece is placed first, last, etc.) as it relates to thematic content. A bit of a niche topic I'm loving exploring, so thank you for exposing it!

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@sbledsoe Hey Spencer, I just wanted to say thank you. Your RHAP pod felt like something I needed to hear. Having another young person describe their process of self-discovery and how they went about it really helped me contextualize my own life and what I'm going through. Cheers

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@Luke_215 @NeilV21 @Browns @kzeit70 On the other hand, he also get to block for Barkley. Which, hey, that's a plus!

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

that feel when you really wanna nap but your roommates are using the living room couch

so you sleep in your bed

like a LOSER

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@TeamJuJu I have so many questions. Did the other teammates know what he was doing? Or did they just go along with it? Is Naruto another anime, like DBZ, that football players all secretly love? What else do they dig? Yu Yu Hakusho? Inyuasha? Pokemon?

...can we expect a Chidori next time?

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

@colinstone Poor Nicaragua. It's the Gabon no one wants to go to the dance with. 😢😢😢

[Grant @CabbageZombie]

There's a vast amount of "Tweety Bird" twitter jokes that should have happened in like 2008. "HAHA, it's a bird so it TWEETS!" #comedygold