Caley!

I am.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

No gods.
No masters.
No kings.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Hear me out—
Trump’s shooter is dead
Richard Simmons is also dead
Coincidence?

#whatarenttheytellingus

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

I’m not really sure what “woke” means and at this point I’m afraid to ask

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Be the bear you want to see in the woods

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Gaslighting isn’t even a real thing. You’re crazy.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

I don’t get spelling bees. It’s not that hard to spell “bee”.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

So wait, this website is called "X" now? Okay, I take it back when I said Elon Musk couldn't make Twitter worse.

#twitterisstupid #xisstupider #zeroreach

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

I had a dream that, despite my best efforts for zero reach, my Twitter account took off and started gaining a whole bunch of traction. I woke up in a cold sweat. Please don’t follow me.

#zeroreach

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Apparently, Lizzo hates reading negative things about her so here’s something nice about her.

The album “Cuz I Love You” is a great album. It’s the only one of hers I’ve listened to, but I’ve listened to it a lot.

#nicethingsaboutlizzo #lizzo #lizzorules

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

@MNateShyamalan The helicopter one is pretty funny. The others are meh

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

@prageru Fascinating that a page who decries censorship in its bio is so interested in censoring what people wear

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

I realize my last two stupid tweets were both fellatio related, and for that, I apologize. I try to tweet about many diverse subjects and to have two fellatio related posts back to back weakens my brand. To all my non-followers, I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

I don't get why "cocksucker" is an insult. It's like the nicest thing you can do for someone.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

@elonmusk You sir, are a buffoon

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Everyone wants to know who @Alanis Morissette went down on in a theater, but I really want to know what movie was playing?

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

So we’ve taught AI how to plagiarize. Now what?

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Quit telling each other to “go to therapy”. You all know goddamn well no one can afford therapy.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

White people calling each other privileged is my favorite genre of social media post

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

McDonald's started serving breakfast all day in 2015, bowing to customer pressure. In 2020, during the peak of the pandemic, they stopped. Clearly, this means the pandemic was really a conspiracy started by McDonald's so they didn't have to have all day breakfast anymore.

[Caley! @CaleyFactorial]

Remember when @elonmusk gave the whole world free wi-fi? And when he invented solar shingles that were cheaper than actual shingles? And when he revolutionized public transit with the Hyperloop? And when he colonized Mars? I tell you, he really is a true visionary, that guy.