Nom Chompsky

welcome to my Notes app

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

When you’re still working from home 6 years later

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

FedEx: your package will be delivered “before the end of the day”

Me at 8 AM:

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

@oneweekseason I’m just trying to calculate the amount of building codes that grill would violate

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

We’re coming up on the start of the NFL season and GTA VI’s release. I’ve instructed my kids to put their Daddy-Date requests in as soon as possible.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

My cousin told me he thought “marginalized” was when you added a lot of imitation butter to something

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Just because there is a fancy Italian word for Coffee Server, doesn’t mean you get more tip than my Liquor Server

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

*after the first date*

Her: so.. you wanna come inside?

Me: no thanks.

Her: why not?

Me: TLC told me not to chase waterfalls.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

If there is any character I relate to most in Game of Thrones, it’s Ser Gwayne Hightower. Bro is just tired of everyone’s bullshit.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Found out the Mackenzie Dern’s dad was training her in BJJ since a toddler and didn’t promote her black belt until her 20th birthday. That is how you raise a world champion folks.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Me watching Fixer Upper waiting for Chip to do something silly

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

*me larping as a chud* yes, I’ll take the fully blacked out Ford SUV with a roof rack. I get a halfy every time cars slow down in front of me thinking I’m a cop.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

*waking up from a long vivid dream with deep subplots and crazy twists* damn that shit was pretty wild. I better write it all down before I forget it.

*reading it hours later when I’m fully awake* wtf is this nonsense lol

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Picked my kid up from her first day at middle school, and saw some goth kids outside. I was like ok this must be the age that starts happening

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

@Skyman198445 @SpeedSurvivor You wouldn’t make these shots on a 4ft rim 😭

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

I want to go to the Field Of Dreams game and steal some corn.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Dude’s will buy a house and start getting obsessed with building a Man Cave or BBQ Shack, AKA places they can go to be alone for a while. Take the hint wives.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Liquor store cashier: would you like a paper bag for this?

Me: No.. let them see.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Hot take: all GLP-1’s are placebos and you’re only losing weight because you can no longer afford to eat out.

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

Drake bars be like:

You think that I lost, I won
Yo girl like Lamar, she dumb
Noah 40 just came, yum-yum

[Nom Chompsky @CaliRoll]

@MLB In what world is this not a balk?