Mao’s Five Beer Plan

Communist steel worker living in Cleveland. BLM. Fuck fascists. No pronouns, call me whatever you want.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@wrdjsn Okay fair, but a boss fight against Jesus and the apostles all at the same time would piss off so many of the right people I kinda wanna see it. And I say that as a catholic.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@Detective_Roo Doesn’t it get stolen from him multiple times by various people and the entire story is whatever clever scheme he comes up with to get it back?

[Roo @Detective_Roo]

Having to be worthy of Mjolnir is a Marvel invention, not something from Norse mythology, dumbass.

[DOJA CAT @DojaCat]

hey elon if u see this please put the audio post feature back on here. Thanks, u frog build looking bitch. Barrel chested ewok u look like u eat sand.

[Ancient History Hub @AncientHistorry]

Around 1,950 years ago in Pompeii, a weaver named Successus fell in love with a barmaid named Iris.

She did not love him back.

We know this because his rival, a man named Severus, decided to humiliate him publicly. He grabbed something sharp and carved this into a wall for the whole city to read:

"Successus the weaver loves the innkeeper's slave girl named Iris. She does not care about him at all. But he begs her to have pity on him. His rival wrote this. Goodbye."

Imagine walking to work and seeing that with your name on it.

Successus found it. And instead of letting it go, he carved his reply directly underneath:

"Envious one, why do you get in the way? Yield to a man who is better looking and being treated very unfairly."

Severus came back one more time to end it:

"I have spoken. I have written. You love Iris, but she does not love you."

Then, in 79 AD, Vesuvius erupted and buried the wall, the tavern, and the entire argument under 20 feet of ash. The thread was frozen mid-beef for almost two millennia until archaeologists dug it up and translated it.

We will never know who got the girl. We do not even know if any of the three survived.

Pompeii has over 11,000 of these inscriptions. Bar reviews. Bragging. Bad poetry. A bakery wall that says "Welcome, hungry people." Two guys fighting over a girl in the comments.

The technology changes. We do not.

[Fazclaire's Nightclub (MDNI) @Metal_Tits]

Jeez, it's almost like Kratos made it clear she was an absolute monster in combat and the only way to miss it all was to not be a real fan of the games and instead be a sexist pig

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@whatkamisays @SimonMcGlynn4 In that his brain is full of water? Yeah, pretty much.

[Jamrock Hobo @JamrockHobo]

Fuck does Cuno care?

spotted in Estonia by u/the-air-seller

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@CineClaire @hereforyou2025 Well maybe you shoulda fucking clarified that in the original post then instead of saying something that would obviously have people jumping on you then, huh?

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@ThomasJ1336751 @Temujin_BL @TheGhoulCity Bitch I was sucking dick in college and bought the collectors edition PC version literally the day it came out. Stop trying to gate keep you whiny little bitch.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@ThomasJ1336751 @Temujin_BL @TheGhoulCity You gonna actually address their point, or just try to insult them and change the subject because you outed yourself as a tourist?

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@lachancenaomi27 It can be both?!

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

The book has some issues but was overall quite good, reread it a few years back. The movie is just awful.

[Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc @JasonKPargin]

This is the one time I feel like a film adaptation genuinely ruined the reputation of the book. The Brad Pitt film World War Z used the title and literally nothing else, the book is about something entirely different and far more interesting. That's why it was a huge deal!

[Tomris Laffly @TomiLaffly]

Nice touch here, whoever did this.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@Fw_BigDreams No, no, tell him that was a solid, smart gag.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@Lindz_neko @manaiakalani @hthieblot Nope, it lost all popularity after Google stole its lunch but it limped along until May of this year.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@AdamAmr06 @dexcstar @kirawontmiss If it takes 15 seconds to type it into a search bar to show him why he’s wrong I feel like it’s warranted.

[Headshok1962 @Headshok1962]

Oof

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@manaiakalani @hthieblot He was sadly put to rest earlier this year.

[Mao’s Five Beer Plan @CallMeFebel]

@JuankandaJuan Really any of the Greek gods showing up would be funny because it would basically amount to “So hey, we’ve never met but I have some serious beef with your husband and I’m gonna take it out on you.”