Amy Meadows

Smarta**ed stand-up with an unhealthy affection for proper punctuation.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Thanks, autocorrect. I meant to say that some folks think liberals (like me) are always overreacting.
But you chose to use overeating.
(which isn’t entirely wrong)

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

I consume murder mysteries and police procedurals constantly but have never encountered "forensicated" til now. I'll have to place that in the same "oh, must we?" category as "incentivized" and other contrivances.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

I’ve watched enough mysteries to know that detectives’ cars need doors that close silently. That’s someone’s first million 😉

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Grammar trigger: what kind of cat needs food with hats? And what exactly are our food with hats choices?

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@joshtpm Key metric: 45. Coincidence? 😩

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

When you hear @YoYo_Ma share news of a concert “in tribute to our resilience” and think. . “why are we only paying tribute to Brazilians?’ 😩

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Newly discovered archival photos, where I’m using the filter billed as “dramatic cool” (because I am clearly both of those things) https://t.co/zbXroGbs9S

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

I need reminding.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Prompts for tonight’s set at @deannaortiz_ ‘s Stand Up Seminary Grad Show. No words, just pictures in case I get stuck. .
Care to translate or break the code? 😉

#standup #standupcomedy #standupseminary… https://t.co/K6GpLeJB9i

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean “T” as in tsunami, “x” as in xerox.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Debate Night #2 recap: I want @KamalaHarris quotes on my bumper, @marwilliamson in needlepoint.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean Cool!

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

https://t.co/iddv4GzijL
Day. Made.

[William Shatner @WilliamShatner]

You do realize that there are only scale models of the Enterprise???

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean Ah. Pretzel nuggets? 😈

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean Just go with Goldfish. Tidy, crunchy, “fishers-of-men” theme. Totally on brand.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

Oh, my God. You’re the PRESIDENT. Grow the f*ck up.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@ElyseNylin, host extraordinaire.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean *blushing*

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

I got to use “stan” as a NYT crossword answer last week. l give full credit to @MonicaCarmean

[Cat Savage @CatharineSavage]

I stan anyone who signs off a phone call, “love you, mom. bye.” Even if they’re not talking to their mom. It’s just a nice thing to say.

I’ve been wanting to use “stan” in a tweet for a long time, so this feels good.

[Amy Meadows @CallMeMissAmy]

@MonicaCarmean Um, quite a bit. Need me to make a list? 😘