Cal Unchained

I like the way you tweet, boy.

//

Mozart Didn't Have A Bedtime: Comedy Writing Collection (2023)

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

MOZART DIDN'T HAVE A BEDTIME

A collection of the best writing 2020-2023

PDF: https://t.co/a5iaCEKBky

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Firmly saying "bank!" when the riff comes to me and I don't think I'll be able to come up with one good enough to keep the laughs going

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Just discovered there is an actor called Penn Badgley and I'm sure this has been said before but that is a Usual Suspects look-around-the-office-to-make-up-a-name ass name if ever I've seen one

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Just spent the evening tidying up my emails, so if you're reading this and you're a marketer, estate agent, newsletter I subscribe to etc. cool it with the emails for a bit so it doesn't build right back up again

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

I'm amazed to see a list of shit millenial insult nicknames and not see anyone in the replies being toxic. It warms my heart actually. Nevertheless I will check back in 24 hours and hope to see people hating on this

[Suzie rizzio @Suzierizzo1]

OMG this lady is leaking a list of names that people around the World call Trump and some of these names are hilarious! I will post one every other day for your enjoyment! 😂😂😂

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Imagine being an old man but not even being wise, I'd be so embarrassed

https://t.co/X3CNrxypHc

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

My son came home from school today saying he got cyberbullied but in real life 😂😂😂 That's not a thing kid, cyberbullying necessitates a cyber element

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

@iamthedunce Ivory tower marine worker watches Holes once and thinks he understands the ditch digger experience

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Imagine being an old man but not even being wise, I'd be so embarrassed

https://t.co/X3CNrxypHc

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Overheard a man at the park saying Trump definitely had dementia and his mother-in-law then said "Why don't they scan presidents, before they start, for absolutely everything?"

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

If you enjoy spending your time reading you should read this for a few minutes and subscribe to read some other things for a few minutes more in the future

https://t.co/GTMfSDTLqG

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Fellas, if you're on the bus and a girl next to you is using Tinder you can say "Swipe left, they're clapped" on every profile that comes up and they will eventually realise you're the only eligible man in the city. Or at least, it's worth a try.

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Nuclear deterrent fans when it turns out it didn’t create peace

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

(Sees the news) Crazy how normal this rhetoric has become, he can threaten to wipe out an entire civilisation and no one even cares (Logs onto Twitter and see a lot of people caring immensely) Ah but still, the fact I thought people wouldn't care shows how far we've descended

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

Hate when train conductors crack wise over the intercom. Just drive the train buddy, leave the jokes to us passengers

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

A short fun article talking about a cool legendary sword that smashed a hole in the Pyrenees

https://t.co/zPcZp6JMXs

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

A short fun article talking about a cool legendary sword that smashed a hole in the Pyrenees

https://t.co/zPcZp6JMXs

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

@bockbuno The Disney machine is very large so the higher-ups can't have total oversight of the brand, but some middle manager must have intervened at some point to argue that it was off-brand

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

One thing they don't show you in the Mickey Mouse Prince and The Pauper, is that the pauper was laying mad pipe on the prince's gf and that she was loving it. They don't show you that cos Disney has a family friendly image and to glorify statutory rape would violate that somewhat

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

King Aethelflaed (15:08): Dear King Dafyd, this is a declaration of war! Our armies will meet in battle, the violence shall cease when you acknowledge my claims in the realm

King Aethelflaed (15:11) wait ignore that i changed my mind

King Aethelflaed (15:11) how do u delete lol

[Cal Unchained @CallumRG21]

@iamthedunce Probably just go Tango tbh