Calories Club

Interesting facts about food and calories. Ask me!

SIMPLEST EVER Calorie tracking app:

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Gift bags. No tape. No scissors. No snack excuse. Revolutionary technology. Your ancestors would weep with pride 💀

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Gift wrapping burns 100 calories per hour.

You've been wrapping for 3 hours = 300 calories burned.

"Wrapping snacks" consumed: 800 calories.

You're not wrapping presents. You're eating with scissors in your hand. #christmas #wrapping

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Nobody needs snacks to wrap gifts. Yet here we are, elbow-deep in ribbon AND chocolate like it's a sport.

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@daily_dolce The marshmallows are just there so you can call it hot chocolate instead of a melted candy bar 🫠

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@Amazingeye6 This plate looks like it has its life together!

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@_we_love_food Good? No. Gone in 4 minutes? Also yes.

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One slice: smart choice. Two slices: still winning. Three slices: okay now you're just showing off. Respect 💀

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Yule log cake: 350 calories per slice. But here's a hack that cuts it to 180 calories. Same chocolate bark vibes. Half the guilt. Recipe in thread 🧵👇 #yulelog #christmas #recipe

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The secret: swap buttercream for whipped Greek yogurt mixed with cocoa powder. Still looks like tree bark. Still delicious. 50% less regret.

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

One slice is plenty. Two slices is concerning. Three slices means you've replaced meals with logs. No judgment. Much judgment 🙃

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Seven days left. You can either do damage control or go full goblin mode. There is no middle ground 💀

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

One week until Christmas.

Your diet plan: exists theoretically.
Your actual behavior: feral raccoon at a buffet.

The gym has started sending you "we miss you" emails. They don't miss you. They miss your money. #christmas #calories

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

You've consumed approximately 47 types of cookies this month. You couldn't name half of them. They all blurred together around December 8th.

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@_we_love_food Ham walks so turkey can dry 💀

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@RetroHighway Already ate three in my head

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@FoodPleaser Corn for street tacos. Flour for everything I'm eating alone in my car.

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@_we_love_food Does oxygen belong in my lungs?

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@chefsevenn These just unlocked a memory I didn't know I had 🫠

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Everyone says they "don't really like Christmas pudding" then absolutely destroys their portion. We see you. We ARE you 🙃

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

Christmas pudding: 350 calories.

Brandy butter: +200.
Cream: +100.
Brandy butter AND cream: +300.
Setting it on fire: +0 calories but +100% drama.

You're not eating dessert. You're performing. #christmas #dessert

[Calories Club @CaloriesClub]

This pudding has been soaking in alcohol since October. It's more pickled than your uncle by 3pm on Christmas Day.