local embarrassment

yes, and

[chart data @chartdata]

Noah Kahan's 'The Great Divide' has now surpassed 1 billion streams on Spotify.

It's his fastest album to reach this milestone.

[Daykerpriest🐉 @Daykerpriest]

Lexi at Fezco’s house
#euphoria

[#3 sisterwife but #1 in his heart @prettycritical]

they are but it doesn’t matter

[BuccoCapital Bloke @buccocapital]

Everyone always talking about “talent density” in Silicon Valley when we really should be talking about how 80% of pretzels in America come from a small region of Pennsylvania

[suri @suricidal]

speaking of old nba tweets this is still the greatest

[JP @jpbrammer]

the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.

[Lauren @libralaur]

When I met you in the Summer to my heartbeat’s sound

[ldshadowlady shady facts @parkbominatore]

made 3 mistakes within an hour of each other in work

[Pop Base @PopBase]

104 years ago today, Judy Garland was born.

[p. @sixinchbeys]

not the 2012 mug

[popular loner🚶🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️ @milkyy_tweets]

Me when someone asks me what Sex and the City character I am, and I say none cuz I find them all insufferable, knowing damn well that’s a Miranda ass response, but I can’t say that cuz I hate her, and that’s where my Carrie rising shows cuz ultimately I hate myself.

[Charli @charli_xcx]

wait i miss partying together, maybe we should again sooooooon

[jor @wombpatrol]

i understand preventing theft but we gotta unlock the deodorant aisle we gotta let people steal that shit during summer as a public good

[Partna @onIychloexhalle]

Ariana ain’t never been single a day in her life so who’s the new man

[Sarah Larchmont @SarahLarchmont]

Where do I sign up? @HunterBiden

[lez usbourne @SZSPIRIA]

Doing a Girls personality test and getting the old woman in season 3 who begs Jessa to help her kill herself

[Rockefeller @passtherocke]

Maybe she's at the Super 8 motel off I-95 with Hunter Biden as friends

[Mariana Alfaro @marianaa_alfaro]

I am so hype for this World Cup bc we’re going to hear sentences like this that have never been uttered before

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.