Candid Daddy

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

This morning my 5 y/o daughter declared "when I grow up, I want to have MASSIVE boobs", whilst smiling and gesturing with her hands.

Don't worry though, when she is older, she'll realise how foolish she was. And that realisation will come from the basement that she is locked in.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

I thought I was overreacting today then watched someone cry over a choux pastry on Bake Off and realised my life problems are legit. #GreatBritishBakeOff

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@ItsCharacter Still on the darn train. I feel like no one should he awake unless there is at least a 6 in the time. Woke up at 3.50am today...grim. When's the next date....?!?

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

On a train at 5am and found someone eating crisps and drinking Coke. Am I the only one to find this slightly disturbing?

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@ReadWrite_Learn Thanks for sharing your experience. Glad you've recovered mostly though hope the rest also gets better. 4 months is pretty long though...not sure how many more embarrassing dribbling incidents I can endure and I'm in week one!! 😁

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

Got diagnosed with Bell's Palsy, the effect of which means I cannot move the right side of my face at all. In effect, I now have an excuse for (half) resting bitch face.
Check out my experience of this so far: https://t.co/F04FZH6CS2
#BellsPalsy

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

The Slovenia entry is kinda creepy. Like, watching you whilst sleep creepy. #EUROVISION #EurovisionSongContest

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@jakijellz Might just take the edge off...just...

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@jakijellz I fear it will. Yet... counter-intuitively I'm still sat watching this. I feel like I need something to get through this like alcohol or horse tranquilizer.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

What I've learnt from the Czech Republic entry - I don't have enough yellow coloured clothes in my life #eurovision

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

Anyone know a good mortgage broker? Just need to remortgage the house to pay for the wife's haircut and colouring.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

As of last week, my son is now "no longer needs to pull his entire pants and trousers down all the way to his ankles to have a wee" year old. (25...he's 25...)

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

There's something murder invoking in a train being late after a flight back home.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@JazmineSky I feel your pain. Sometimes feels like death is a pleasant alternative rather than waiting for the answers.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@JazmineSky I assume you've used the usual favourite and passive aggressive "just a gentle reminder"...

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

If you thought the whole Momo thing was bad, I just heard my 4 y/o daughter say "don't be cray cray, my morning stuff is in the back of the car".

Barbie, you have a lot to answer for.

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

Tomorrow is #ChineseNewYear marking the Year of the Pig. Learn what Pigs are like in my blog. Plus, find out why people are renting boyfriends / girlfriends. If that doesn't interest you, I don't know what will. Happy #CNY! https://t.co/LIWKNCCSSK

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

Is there anything more cringeworthy than watching your children emulate you and your wife whilst playing mummies and daddies and acting like utter douches in the process??

Do I actually say "No treats for you if you don't wipe your own bum!"...hmmmm...

[Candid Daddy @Candid_Daddy]

@AMummyToo Amazing, well done, really pleased for you. Great achievement.