literally trying to better myself by talking and hanging out with certain people more, but it's so damn hard to be consistent when i can't find motivation to do anything. i've barely been able to play games when i used to do it all the time
last thing, but honestly my biggest regret is getting a fucking commercial pilot license. if i had realized how much nepotism and toxicity was in this field, i would've ran the other direction.
i wish i could sell my license cus this is the biggest source of my stress and anxiety
thank fuck edibles have kept me afloat so far but im questioning how much longer that'll be the case. i'm just hoping this new job will bring me back up to speed so i can use it less
i think the scariest part for me now is the fact that i feel like i just don't care about dying now. i am NOT suicidal by any means, but i had a dream where i was in a position where i had to kill myself. when i pulled the trigger, i just felt... at peace... until i woke up
i'm stuck in this endless loop of wanting alone time, but also wanting to talk to friends
i dont like joining voice calls if im not in a good (or at least sociable) mood, but it seems like this mood is just 80% of my day now
like even today, I've been up for more than 6 hours and i've done nothing but sit in my chair, reading some articles, and eventually just laying my head down for 20 minutes before i get the motivation to do anything
it's so fucked right now :(