Jason A

Jack Flack always escapes

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Nothing like a toddler learning how to turn the light on and off quickly to make your feel like you're peeing at a rave. #JFA #Parenting

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Nothing like suddenly peeing in the dark to let you know that your toddler is now tall enough to reach the light switch. #JFA #Parenting

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Me? Just sweeping & mopping. Before the service gets here to give us an estimate on sweeping & mopping. #JFA #ANeurosisRunsThroughIt

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.
And then the murders began.
#LaidlawsRule #SumsItUp

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

"I am Sam. I am Sam. Sam-I-Am."
And then the murders began.
#LaidlawsRule

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

New Olympic Event : 100 Meter Individual Poopy-Diaper Baby Carry, Baby Gate Hurdle. #JFA #Parenting #GoForTheGold #SayThat10TimesFast

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Wives : If they didn't take care of us, keep us happy, & do so many amazing things, I would remember where I was going with this. #Marriage

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Kinda hoping to die in a manner so unusual and spectacular that a German word has to be invented for it. #JFA #YallWatchThis #Waaabooooooom

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Marathons shouldn't have finish lines. Last person to lose control of their bowels is the winner. #CouldBeMessy #WhatsTheTrophyLookLike

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Asking your 10-month-old "why are your pants wet?" usually doesn't lead to a good answer. #JFA #Parenting #ForgotToPickUpTheCatBowls

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Baby feeding - Zooming down the Death Star trench, avoiding five fingered lasers, aiming for the feeding port. #JFA #UseTheForks #Parenting

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

MTV launched 35 years ago August 1. Join me in celebrating 15 years of music!
#JFA #WhatDidTheMStandFor #NotSure #SoLongAgo #CrapTV

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Going as something really scary for Halloween this year. I've got an unrecalled Galaxy Note 7 costume. #JFA #ItsPrettyHot #WaterBucketHandy

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

2 lessons for today. Number 2 - Write things down. Number 1 - I don't remember, but I feel like it was important. #JFA #OldtimersFlaringUp

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

"Please don't eat your pants". Never thought I'd say those words in that order. Then I became a parent. #JFA #Parenting #LittleCrazyPerson

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

I'm a true Renaissance Man. Great discoveries are made all around me, while I am dying of some disease. #JFA #ProperContext #HistoryBuff

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Who first saw a beehive and thought, "There's got to be something delicious in there!"? #JFA #DeepThoughts #NotSureWhatTheyWereThinking

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

I might need bail money. There's blood everywhere. Last thing I remember is being offered something gluten-free. #JFA #AllABlank #Whoops

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

My son is so advanced, we're pretty sure he'll be having his first birthday exactly one year after he was born. #JFA #Parenting #SuperGenius

[Jason A @CaptJackFlack]

Who knew years of spreading thermal paste on processors would train me to spread diaper cream on a baby's butt? #JFA #Parenting #WaxOnWaxOff