Madeline Burnette

She/Her/Ella. Proud author of 1 semi-viral tweet.

[Madeline Burnette @CaptainPhasmad]

@albert12798 I thought these were bags of weed

[Madeline Burnette @CaptainPhasmad]

@DrKunac @AjvictoryMD It still shows the incredible burden placed on women. He can’t “do life” without her? Okay, then what the FUCK was he doing before that? He can’t function without a woman doing the work for him? Absolutely unacceptable

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

yes that’s part of it

[Robert Schultz @_RobertSchultz]

trump announcing he's running for president one week before we have to see all our uncles at thanksgiving is arguably the most twisted thing he's ever done

[August @augustep11]

You either date Pete Davidson or have a baby with Nick Cannon. Those are the only two life paths for women

[bug girl @buggirl]

i am once again asking why the fuck we take taxes from 15-17 year olds paychecks when they aren’t allowed to vote bc to me that sounds a little bit like taxation without representation

[IG: closedapp @ih8rts]

stabbing your cereal 3 times before the 1st bite, really does activate the flavor.

[trash jones @jzux]

i plead the eighth (give me a little weed and then i’ll probably tell you)

[trash jones @jzux]

my love language is gentle roasting

[Jhay @jhayusb]

i be like "i'm fighting demons" and it's just going to work

[Spac𝓮 ⭐️ @spaceeong]

the “devil’s lettuce” is coleslaw not weed

[smooth brained brat @c0wbitch]

Thinking about the homeless man in Austin who I used to pay $15 to watch my car while I went out and one night I came back and all the cars around mine were broken into except mine and he was sitting on my hood and said “I ain’t let em touch this one miss Kenzie!!!”

[Jack Corbett @jackcorrbit]

termites are like: don't talk to me before i've had my coffee table

[Fred Delicious 🍆 @Fred_Delicious]

having a king is going to take some getting used to. we’re used to our monarch moving as far as they want in any direction but now it’s just one square at a time. much higher chance of being killed by a horse

[ann-nee-my @animmaimota]

If you think the Queen Elizabeth jokes are outta line just wait until Bush croaks. It’s gon be Def Comedy Jam circa 1992 on here