True Crime Garage Captain Quotes

The place to find all of The Captain's best quotes from the True Crime Garage Podcast. Now that’s enough of the bizness.

[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Yeah, bad boy is captain limpy pants.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“So what did this douche burger do?”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“He even says that he’d been a nude model at one time.”

“Yeah, he specialized in small penises.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Well you are a level headed person.”

“Don’t make fun of my head.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Yeah your bologna has a first name, it’s t-u-r-d!”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“here’s the gross part..”

“What, that his dong was just flopping around?”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

Happy belated birthday to the Captain! Better enjoy at least a 6 pack in the garage. Cheers! @truecrimegarage

[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Wow I think your mouth has the corona virus.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“So the Boulder county prosecutors..”

“Boulder county bitches.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Just keep in mind this is all one guy.”

“Yeah, it’s a bunch of douches and one canoe.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“So an hour and 15 minutes and you’re able to close a case?”

“It’s solved baby!”

“Wow, Sherlock Dickweed.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“4H stands for head, heart, hands, and health.”

“I thought two of them stood for wHo Hfarted.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“BMW in his case stands for ... beat meat whacker.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“If you’re not telling the cops, then you’re a piece of shit.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“So Reginald, is Reginald touchy-touchy, flicky-flicky?”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Another interesting fact about Ohio is when medical marijuana became legalized, glaucoma rose by 5000%.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“As opposed to you, you filthy animal.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“Well we did a big campaign last year about banning the van, maybe it shoulda been banning the creepy.. “

“.. I call them cowboy campers.”

“.. how about ban the creepy camper.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“I mean, you’re a lying shit princess.”

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[True Crime Garage Captain Quotes @Captn_Quotes]

“I think a lot of people would assume that this el creepo is driving around in an el creepo van.”

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