Car Johnson

I'm a fictional character from The Life and Times of Car Johnson.
My author unwisely let me have my own Twitter account.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

When you're in a hurry and need to get automobiles in the proper order for a parade. And the lead one is a failed car built by Zastava.

"Yugo first!"

#ThingsYouSayYouGoFirstTo

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

I decided to post a selfie. But since I'm a fictional character, it's just a badly drawn face over a bearded dragon. And no, I am neither a bearded dragon or a face.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@shriekingharpie I'm single because I'm not a word about the situation.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@EndlessJeopardy What is Infected Blemishes, a Coloring Book for Kids?

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@eddie_ferrero Cat: -Knocks ring off table-

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@TPRMaynard7 Teddy bears

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@C_J_Boyle Where else would Smurfette hide the bodies of all the female smurfs who used to live in the community?

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

Blank Slate - A white screen where you imagine all the shows. #RejectedTelevisionChannels

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

Real Time Toilets #RejectedTelevisionChannels

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

KIY - Kill it yourself, the serial killer network. #RejectedTelevisionChannels

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

Twitter News Network #RejectedTelevisionChannels

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

I own my own vascular system. #FavoriteThingAboutMyLife

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@Steve_R_Walker Gotta stick my tongue out back.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

#ISurvivedAnotherYear by smearing my face in salmon and taunting bears. It's great fun.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

#ISurvivedAnotherYear by dressing as a pool cue and hitting my head on beach balls.

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

The nude beach wasn't. #AwkwardIn4Words

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

Cheddar filled chocolate truffle. #AwkwardIn4Words

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

You're your own Father. #AwkwardIn4Words

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

Wearing password locked underwear. #AwkwardIn4Words

[Car Johnson @Car_Johnson_]

@adultswim Detroit