The Notorious C.E.G.

nurse || i'm the mom.

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

2020 is brought to you by the kids who turned their eyelids inside out in middle school

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

tell me you grew up in a conservative home in the south without avtually telling me

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

i used to think RuPaul’s drag race was about literal drag racing

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

this was like 7th grade before i knew what drag was. in my defense

[Monty Jones @____Mani]

Kerry Washington has me SCREAMING

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

where do hamsters even come from ¿?

[Dan Duvall @DanDuvallComedy]

Starting a soup restaurant called Lentil Illness

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

brb sending Jimbo Fisher a bill for my (now exhausted/ useless) botox

[dogpuke @mommyissuesclub]

why do ppl post pics of their babies right out of the womb can u let it finish thawing first it’s scaring me

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

i understand what a hurricane looks like. i don’t need a soaked human in a baseball helmet to tell me it’s bad

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

I’ll never understand why weather reporters insist on standing in a hurricane to show how bad it is

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

can’t you just film from the safety of a building and show footage from a safe area?

[Caitlin @caithuls]

Overnight Oats sounds like the name of a racehorse who sucks

[caroline mccarthy 🦝 @caro]

Your annual spooky season PSA: No one is going to be dishing out their expensive THC edibles to your kids on Halloween, no matter what your ratings-thirsty local news station or bored small-town police department says.

[The Notorious C.E.G. @CarolinesGood]

does your man even watch college football if he doesn’t pace in front of the TV with his hands locked behind his head??

[👽🪐 @alienooooo]

Nahhhh why my wax lady reschedule my appointment cause she said somebody farted on her and she can’t stop throwing up 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 omfggg

[FKA Morena / Brianna @fkamorena]

in 2013 I paid someone on tumblr to edit a picture of me and niall together and I was so excited I posted it on facebook

[elan kiderman ullendorff @at_elan]

apparently our dog has slowly cut a hole in our bedroom window shawshank style while we are out and has been letting herself out on the roof and just makes sure she’s back downstairs in her bed by the time we get home. only found out because our neighbor snapped this picture.