Sam Carpenter

Put simply, I am a moron.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@HariboUKI_ THERE HAS BEEN A DEFECT

AT CHRISTMAS NONETHELESS

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@youmeatsix I've only recently found this song, and it's amazing. Hits home as I've endured 2 breakups in less than a year. 😶

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@Enterprise having a problem with a vehicle I've just rented, tried calling branch I got it from. Claims it's outside of normal working hours even though I only picked it up an hour ago. Full mailbox so can't even request a callback.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@CostaCoffee cheers for this very convincing large mocha that was barely half full when I received it.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@phobophobiophi1 @josephtiman Thanks for ruining the magic. 🙁

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@fesshole This is terrible "help". Matching on Tinder is one thing, but being ghosted/ignored is actually far worse. This is terrible parenting. Sorry.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@fesshole What the actual fuck is the matter with you? This is possibly the worst fess I've seen here. Ever.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@edmundbutt are you the same Edmund Butt who did the music for the TV programme Afterlife?

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@fesshole I do this with maple syrup. It's just a nice little treat from time to time.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@downbadcomment Hoenouns

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@hotgirlmegsfw Dad died and left me eight million quid.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@daveinnorfolk19 @fesshole ...*to find stuff.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@daveinnorfolk19 @fesshole That's, sadly, very rare. I run a specialist garage, so I expect owners to be a touch more switched on than Danielle with 4 kids, 1 CMax, and no coolant, but the amount of times I've had to sift through a bootful of unwashed gym gear/a glovebox full of dirty tissues to stuff. 😐

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@CourteneyCox Just Before I Go is a masterpiece.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@silentenygma @fesshole Yeah, this. We are simple creatures.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@fesshole Having been there with a terminal cancer sufferer, the last thing to enter my mind was getting my leg over with someone else. That is just... what even is that? Christ.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@CharlesDodd71 @neilb1973 @davelee1968 Bingo. Good and bad in everyone's back catalogue. Sparks and Don't Panic are two truly beautiful bits of music. Didn't care much for them after Viva La Vida, mind you.

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@sniffpetrol further to this nugget- Cadillac were forced to sell the Omega, rebranded as the Catera, in the late '90s/early '00s. So someone got their way in the end!

[Sam Carpenter @CarpetSoiler]

@fesshole Go self employed. I have built a decent client base by sharing my honest opinion of what's required in order to meet their needs. They may not always like it, but they appreciate it, and my base for returning customers is very, very good.