Not Carter

What am I supposed to do with all my great ideas? Put 'em in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that is what soap is for Lois.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@DanhausenAD This is how religions get started.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

Things I say to my cats that can be also overheard at strip clubs:
"Any sweet girls wanna come get in the bed with daddy?" #musings #cats

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

When I was a kid, I really loved the Transformers and boating. I always wanted a car that would turn into a robot and a boat to call my own. Now I'm an adult and the best I got is captain's chairs in the back row of my SUV that fold down to create more trunk room. #musings

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@ChrisFromJerse1 @lthomasnews If they don’t make the news, then how do you know about them?

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@accentvoiceguy I’d have to be obtuse not to assume that’s in large part to you. Austin is amazing because you helped make him amazing. His Elvis evocation is gobsmacking. I hope this exposure gains you the appreciation you deserve. Thank you sir for being you! (2/2)

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@accentvoiceguy Hi Erik. I’ve been a fan of your videos for years now. I was so excited to hear you’d been enlisted as the dialect coach on the new Elvis movie. And I can say, after seeing the film several times, that Austin Butler is a triumph. (1/2)

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kylekinane I think you should start another Twitter handle where you post indefensibly dumb shower thoughts. Call it “Kyle Inane”.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@accentvoiceguy love your series Eric. Can’t wait to watch your student’s fruition in the upcoming biopic. Congrats.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror my question: great film…or greatest film? @therealjoebob #shudder #TheLastDriveIn

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror Could not agree more.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror Can’t believe how much I am enjoying #frankenhooker. Thanks @therealjoebob #shudder #TheLastDriveIn

[Diana “Darcy the Mail Ghoul” Prince 🎃💌 @kinky_horror]

#TheLastDriveIn #HeartbreakTrailerPark

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror Was that you doing an homage Robert Palmer??? @therealjoebob #thelastdrivein #shudder

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror @therealjoebob #shudder #TheLastDriveIn That scene went from almost the worst bj possible to almost the worst hj possible.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror are they saying Satanism causes strip poker and lap dances? Cause don’t threaten me with a good time! @therealjoebob #shudder

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@kinky_horror Did I see you blushing at some of the Boulets’ stories? #TheLastDriveIn

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

I’d really like to see @minakimes do the Willow Smith hair whip (back and forth) after every one of her playoff prognostications.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

@nachosarah She…ain’t lying.

[mark normand @marknorm]

I’m surprised more dads aren’t furious about climate change because I’ve seen how angry they get when people change the temperature.

[Not Carter @CarterIsMe]

Not sure how this costume aligns with our campfire motif @kinky_horror @therealjoebob #MutantFam #TheLastDriveIn