i automatically owe you if you've helped me before. there's always a way to return good gestures, and i will surely return them.
to me, only the helper has the luxury of thinking/believing you're helping because you're in a position to help and wanna help, not cause you want them to owe you or be indebted to you.
I finally understand what Machiavelli meant when he said, “Never play fair in a game where others cheat.” It doesn’t mean become evil. It means stop being naive. Stop bringing honesty to people who study manipulation, stop giving access to people who weaponize closeness, and stop expecting clean hands from people who already showed you they’ll throw dirt. Sometimes wisdom is not revenge. Sometimes wisdom is learning the rules of the room before the room uses your goodness against you.
Sitting in your own mess is one of the hardest things to do.
Realizing all the situations YOU put yourself in. All the ways YOU could've and should've protected yourself. All the mistakes and bad decisions YOU made against your boundaries. The moment where you sit and realize that other people don't deserve the full blame & that you were a part of your own destruction. Sitting in it is hard, but forgiving yourself is harder. Growth is not linear. There will be days like this. Sit in it but don't stay there.